Topic: Crappy Valentine's Day Nintendo Poetry Competition

Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and love is in the air. Or festering in a sorry little lump in the corner, depending on your point of view.

Anyway, nothing screams Valentine's Day like poetry; specifically, awful poetry. Which is why I'm proud to announce NintendoLife's 'Awful Nintendo-Themed Poetry Competition' for all to enjoy!

The rules are pretty self explanatory:

• It must be vaguely Nintendo related.
• It must vaguely qualify as poetry (this does not mean it has to rhyme).
• The more awful and cringe-inducing the better (although if you've accidentally written something elegant and moving, please feel free to share that too)

And... that's about it. Keep things clean, obviously (speaking of which, I have in on authority that 'crappy' is an acceptable word to use, but if not please change it).

After all entries are submitted, votes will be tallied, and the winner will be declared.

So get cracking! The more awkward metaphors and ham-fisted similes the better. Get those creative juices flowing.

To start thing off, here is my masterpiece:

"my luv 4 u is like a charizard;
it is so hot and fiery;
it saws thru the sky on a rainbow of flame;
a flamebow;
and wen u r close it grows even more stronger, like mega evolution;
and then it is unstopable;
and gains resistance to electricity;
u r my mega stone and i luv u;
thats y;
mega love x, i choose u
x x x x"

I feel I've set the bar pretty low, but I'm sure you can set it lower. Good luck!

What's this? A contest?
Maybe I could write something...
Nah, I'm not too good.

Yes, it's a contest; write an awful poem with a Nintendo theme.

If you're not too good, then that's perfect. We're looking for awful poetry, remember.

You must understand:
that was awful poetry.
Haiku is great, though.

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
So few games for Nintendo's Switch,
And they've killed WiiU.

Princess Peach baked cake,
Mario receives a letter:
Be my valentine.

(Japanese sound effects in the background)

Eight syllables in line 2, Meowph.
(I'm sad that I was beaten to the punch with Haiku, lol)

I'm searching for hearts
To add to mine.
Currently, my dear,
I have only nine.

A Hinox, a Like-Like,
A bright green ChuChu
All lovely monsters
Who came before you.

But your dearest heart
I need most of all;
With it my life meter
Will be quite tall.

Shh, don't tell me.
It's already too late.
Your heart is mine,
Now enjoy your fate.

@Tyranexx nonsense, online syllable calculators don't make mistakes 🙀

... Do they?

Morpheel sucks at this
He cannot count syllables
Such a waste of time

>:3

Umbreon is cool
He is dark and can kill you
The best pokemon

Link never gets the girl,
because Zelda loves Ganon.
Their love will not last,
coz the fans insist it's not canon.
A princess and a demon,
Now that draws a fine line.
One they can't cross
because we'd need to know which time line.

@EOTW

Well how about that;
Caught out by a stealth Haiku;
Colour me impressed

@Tyranexx

Aah. Sinister and fantastic. Maybe it might be worth expanding this beyond simply 'awful' poetry.

The counter says:

Syllables Per Line:
5 7 5
4 7 5

Mushrooms are red
Blue coins are rare
Booty booty booty
Rocking everywhere

@Meowpheel I wonder how the counter thinks Umbreon is pronounced? Um-brown?

Anyway, let's play Guess the Character by the Haiku, everyone's favourite game!

"With just one finger;
A mighty spear of justice;
He penetrates fraud"

@Maxz dunno! English is not my first language, and to be frank syllable counting is more of a mess in English than in Spanish, so I can't be bothered to memorize that.

Anyway that was Phoenix Wright.

You are the Tiki to my Waifu
May we be together for a manakete's laifu
For our love burns bright like a Fire Emblem
Now, together let's ride to the stadium

Decided to go with rhyming, hard to find something for Emblem though. (Thinking of the arena for stadium )

Ah, thought of a better version.

You are the Tiki to my Waifu
May we be together for a manakete's laifu
For our love burns brighter than an Emblem of Fire
We shall fight though the situation looks dire-

@Meowpheel Everything's more of a mess in English. English is a mess.

Anyway, well done. This one's a bit harder:

"Born of thunder's wrath;
Home burned to blackened cinders;
A bolting nomad"

@Meowpheel: I'm assuming the syllable calculator has problems with names that aren't true English words, like many Pokemon names (as mentioned above). English is a messy language, many EFL speakers don't even use it properly. XD

@BLP_Software: It's been awhile since I've had soda burn up my nose lol. Loved it!

@Maxz: I decided to interpret "awful" a bit differently. Glad that you liked it! I was going to post something short and goofy before rethinking my approach.

The original, cheesy version:
I had ten hearts,
Cuccos took nine.
I have one heart left;
Will you be mine?

Roses are red,
Link's hat is green,
I cannot rhyme,
So I give up.

Blazing light sets across Hylian soil.
Stars glisten above an Observatory.
To watch the rise on a god's back.
What wonders I can see.

I wake to you.
No wonder can compare.