Everyone's favourite ponce returns. Albeit with huge swords and an even huger sulk. Can you handle the macho?

Let's not mince words. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time was completely and utterly sodding lovely. It was like living in a house where the floors are made of velvet and the bogroll is fashioned from finest silk. It was arguably the first 3D Platform adventure since Mario 64 to feel truly innovative. The controls were beyond perfect, each button doing exactly what you thought it should do, as your commands were galvanised by the Prince's fluid movements on screen.

And now, It's sequel time! The Prince returns looking distinctly less cosy, sporting stubble and a myspace sulk whilst posing homoerotically with a huge pair of swords. It's less Arabian Nights, more Steven Segal. Which could have been fun if implemented properly.

Alas, it isn't.

The Prince has undergone a stupidly drastic change of character, In 'Sands of Time,' he wasn't your typical action hero. In fact, he was a bit like what Kenneth Williams would probably be like if you gave him a quick kick up the bottom. He tried to be menacing, but it came across as cute. He was witty and endearingly insecure, as personified by the banter between him and the Princess Farah, filled with pithy putdowns, cheeky retorts and eventually cute flirtation. The fellow who voiced the Prince couldn't have done a better job.

Ubisoft however, didn't seem to agree, and have changed the Prince into...well, a dumbass. Witness this piece of (vaguely remembered) dialogue;

'The vegetation has been allowed to grow out of control! It's everywhere!'

Nothing inherently wrong with that admittedly, but if it had been 'Sands of Time,' he would have said something along the lines of;

'The vegetation has been allowed to grow out of control! My father would have had the gardener spayed for his negligence.'

Any wit and verve, bountiful in the first game, has been cast aside for rubbish putdowns and witless one liners. Witness this well thought out piece of prose that the Prince exchanges with a lady;

'You B***h!'

Quite. Congratulations to Ubisoft on turning him into a stupid gruff voiced buffoon.

But what of the game itself? Is it truly as uninspired as people claim?

Well, the platforming remains just as inspired, it looks utterly lovely (although instead of the plush environments of it's predecessor, we get some gorgeous turd brown caves to look at) and the controls are exactly the same. Which is a major draw in its favour. It is an age away from the uninspired clunky controls that have blighted the Tomb Raider series. Some of the set-pieces are cleverly thought out as well, and are responsible for some knicker soilingly excellent moments. The battle on the ship at the start for instance comes straight out of a 1950's B-Movie. The numerous chases by the Dahaka (the nasty beasty that's been chasing the Prince for a good few years) are also a highlight, requiring great dexterity of the fingers to survive.

Yet great control and exciting set pieces could all be attributed to the 'Sands of Time.' Does 'Warrior Within' move the series on in any way?

No. The only really drastic difference is the combat system. The Prince is a lot more savvy with a sword these days, and is able to utterly mince the sand beasties with a few presses of the joypad. It's bloody gory now as well, with the Prince lopping heads off with comically distressing ease. It's actually a bit more guiltily satisfying than just sucking the sand out of their faces, but the flashy moves are really the sum of the changes made to the game. True, he looks a lot better as he kills people, but it's really just a case of mincing your buttons as quickly as possible and hoping for the most stupidly acrobatic finishing move. The dual-wielding of blades also isn't as much fun as it looked in the promotional vids, which is a real shame, considering the amount of grisly enjoyment that one could have with this kind of attack. He twirls and twists away like some crazy breakdancing idiot, but after seeing the same move for the hundredth time, you just want him to say something cute and endearing again.

If anything, it's a complete regression for the series, with the grace and charm from the original brutally extracated, and some cheap edginess added on. Only the truly sad would get a kick out of fighting a lady in a leather thong, with her bountiful, svelte bosoms struggling to fight their way out of her flattering skintight lithe dre... herm, yes.

They could have given the Prince at least a tiny bit of sparkle. Some wise-cracking jibes wouldn't have gone amiss with his new cynical look. He could have been a Persian Bruce Campbell, but they just didn't try, resulting in the games greatest downfall. Cringe as he shouts 'Slaughter!' Wince as he screams 'I am the King of Blades!' Groan as he urges 'Come on you slaaaaags.'

The original worked because it was an excellent game with a lot of character. With the character and inspiration gone, 'Warrior Within' is merely passable.

Never mind Ozzy Osbourne urinating on The Alamo. This is the equivalent of Jesus listening to Slayer. It's THAT Blasphemous. You are advised to stick to 'Sands of Time.' Now let us never speak of this travesty again.