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Feature: Nintendo's Presidential Candidates

Posted by Thomas Whitehead

The race to the Mushroom House

Today is a big day in the United States of America, as the next President is set to be elected in an exceptionally tight race to the White House. Still, politics isn't always particularly exciting, especially when candidates don't do anything fun like defy gravity or harness special abilities. No, they're two politicians that duke it out with slogans and some questionable election adverts.

If we lived in a parallel gaming universe, where life really was as crazy as the games we play, who would you elect to lead this bizarre world? There are plenty of candidates in the Nintendo roster, but we've picked out some of the biggest names and outlined their potential policies and suitability for the role.

Campaign Slogan — Wahooo!!! Yippeee!!!

Mario is a strong candidate for President, with his millions of adoring fans and pre-eminence in the gaming industry. He's also a true leader, fearlessly crushing his enemies with his oversized boots, dodging all obstacles and getting the job done. He always wins, can lend his hand to almost any discipline (from saving the world to volleyball), and has a nice, bushy moustache that's always well-trimmed.

Campaign Promise — More plumber internships

Campaign Slogan — Walking slowly to the left, together

Bowser can bring security back to the nation, with hordes of goombas, koopas and other strange soldiers/weapons at his disposal. He has a proven track record of successfully kidnapping senior political figures (well, okay, a Princess), while he can become super-sized almost at will. With plenty of koopalings in line to continue the dynasty, the age of Bowser would last for generations.

Campaign Promise — Crush Mario and marry Princess Peach

Campaign Slogan — Let's all suck together

Kirby may just look like a pink blob — because he is just a pink blob — but he's also the diplomat needed to forge strong international relations. If his cute face and "HIIIIIIIIII" greetings don't work, he can steal a rival country's secrets by literally absorbing them and reproducing their power. He can also clean up the nation's problems by sucking them up and spitting them out as glittering stars, and who doesn't want to see that?

Campaign Promise — Make everything super-bright and colourful

Campaign Slogan — Representing the Goddess of the Light

Pit is a front-man, but he's also an angel who happens to be representing a bona-fide Goddess of Light, Palutena. With a cheeky personality, though occasionally pessimistic when faced with one too many reapers, he can bring a smile to the people's faces. The real power would reside in the heavens, but as long as Pit impresses by flying around occasionally and zapping enemies with his assortment of cool weapons, who cares?

Campaign Promise — Will defend good against evil

Campaign Slogan — Blasting away our problems

Samus Aran is a strong, powerful leader, though prefers to work alone. More than capable of taking out an entire army of Space Pirates single-handedly, Aran would be a very active Commander-in-Chief during any armed conflicts; she'd be able to save billions of dollars in Military spending due to her fighting ability. Not a great orator, and may be susceptible to blindly following daft orders from anyone called Adam.

Campaign Promise — Will avoid speaking too much

Campaign Slogan — Uniting the Kingdom's power

Zelda is a true leader of the ages, leading Hyrule through countless generations and confusing, crossed timelines. On most occasions she keeps the lands safe, but on the rare occasions of evil sweeping across the world she can call upon her Vice-Presidential candidate, Link, to heroically save the day. Able to summon magic in a tight spot, she can remain calm no matter how strange the characters around her.

Campaign Promise — The tri-force will be protected

So, who would you elect? Share your political vision in the poll and comments below.

Which Nintendo character would you elect to be President? (279 votes)

Mario

16%

Bowser

6%

Kirby

20%

Pit

10%

Samus Aran

12%

Zelda

29%

I wouldn't vote for any of them

7%

Please login to vote in this poll.

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User Comments (114)

DashChargedShot

#1

DashChargedShot said:

Samus Aran. We need less political talk.
I almost voted for Pit, but he'd be better as a "Commissioned Officer" in the army.

zipmonStaff

#2

zipmon said:

"Campaign Slogan — Walking slowly to the left, together" Haha! Excellent!

My vote goes to Kirby though, no doubt. What else says "change" like the ability to transform at will? =) Happy election day everybody!

True_Hero

#4

True_Hero said:

I voted for Samus. I'm disturbed, though, that Bowser has more votes than Mario. What is wrong with people!?

DashChargedShot

#5

DashChargedShot said:

Actually, I think that we should actually vote for these people. The real canidates wouldn't stand a chance!
@True_Hero Bowser is more of a leader, if you know what I mean.

Boo_Buster

#7

Boo_Buster said:

My vote is - It doesn't matter. America is run by big money corporations and the Federal Reserve. Mario would be cool though ;)

Wonder_Ideal

#8

Wonder_Ideal said:

I voted for Mario. He is charismatic and requires few words to make his point. Not to mention he's a plumber so he knows how the working man feels. Plus, Luigi would make a good VP.

R-L-A-George

#9

R-L-A-George said:

Boo_Buster wrote:

My vote is - It doesn't matter. America is run by big money corporations and the Federal Reserve. Mario would be cool though

Its for FUN.

Emaan

#12

Emaan said:

Kirby: "Let's all suck together!" :D

I voted for Zelda, she seems the most politically equipped. You know, considering she's been a princess for multiple incarnations. :p

Joshers744

#13

Joshers744 said:

I'm surprised Bowser isn't ahead. A lot of people can't tell the difference between bad and good.

GameLord08

#15

GameLord08 said:

@Joshers744: Bowser's political ideologies sound a lot like that of Soviet Russia. I don't like the idea of being ruled under a dictatorship.

"Before, you stomp Goomba. But now, Goomba stomp you!"

Philip_J_ReedStaff

#16

Philip_J_Reed said:

Great feature Thomas but I spotted an error. The second slot is supposed to be Bowser, but you used an actual photograph of Mitt Romney!

Phle

#18

Phle said:

Zelda, Kirby and Pit all makes quite good candidates. After ruling out Zelda (she is too reliable on Link), I had a difficult time deciding between Kirby and Pit. I landed on Kirby though, because it seems he had most to offer as he has quite unique skills.

Joshers744
The_Fox

#23

The_Fox said:

I've always seen Kirby as a Lovecraftian horror that won't stop until he's consumed everyone on the planet, so he's lost my vote.

Boo_Buster

#33

Boo_Buster said:

@R-L-A-George Really? I thought it was totally serious! That is why I said, and I quote myself "Mario would be cool though", but you just like to stop reading after you get what you want. I was being totally serious about Mario, I wasn't having fun at all (sarcastic).... You ruin fun by assuming things :D

Tobias95

#34

Tobias95 said:

Zelda. She is much smarter than both Mario and Bowser (And Peach of course) The Mushroom kingdom has a stinky security system, (Mario can always run into Bowsers castle and save Peach, Peach always get kidnapped by Bowser)

kyuubikid213

#36

kyuubikid213 said:

Zelda. While all politicians have their downsides (and Zelda is no exception), she is the only one out of the entire list that seems to have experience with successfully leading her people.

Mario, Pit, Kirby, and Samus have no people to lead and rarely find themselves in situations where they are the leader. Bowser on the other hand has kidnapped the Mushroom Kingdom's only leader on many occasions and has still not noticed his great security flaws.

LordJumpMad

#41

LordJumpMad said:

I would have voted for CaptainFalcon, he is YES for America!
Sadly Nintendo wants nothing to do with him, so my vote goes to Bowser.

Syntax

#42

Syntax said:

I would rather vote for a certain king that shamefully not on this list, his campaign promises would be "My bois and girls, economic recovery is what true politicians strive for!" :-)

PSI_King

#45

PSI_King said:

i was going to vote captain falcon or even pikachu...
but no love for f-zero or pokemon
so my vote goes to zelda

Void

#46

Void said:

Whats up with these polls?
You can't have 101% of people voting.

Jaco

#47

Jaco said:

Zelda: she has experience of correctly leading her people. She just needs Link to be general from the start so he can stop Ganon before he rises.

Maskeraid

#48

Maskeraid said:

I would've voted Ganon, but alas. My vote goes to bowser. GLORY TO THE SOVIET UNION! (reference)

OorWullie

#50

OorWullie said:

I'm nominating Diddy Kong to run the diddy government.Bring in DK to help win the swing states.

KAHN

#53

KAHN said:

what happened to Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule? he's already a king!

ThomasBW84Admin

#54

ThomasBW84 said:

@ziLToiD I'm sorry if an idea thought up this morning — and written in an hour — didn't match up to a planned feature written over a number of days. Thanks for the comment, though.

Randomname19

#55

Randomname19 said:

I vote for Zelda.Since both her and Link reincarnate they can be elected over and over and make a good job forever

Dodger

#57

Dodger said:

Anyone voting for Kirby should go read the latest Brawl in the Family and then make the right decision for the country. Dedede 2012!

SMW

#58

SMW said:

Mario for president! My GBA SP still has that sticker on it from one of the Mario Party promotions. :P

Kirby would be great too. Who could say no to Kirby? Anyone that wishes to be consumed, I guess.

Varia01

#61

Varia01 said:

Samus Aran. She destroyed and saved planets all by herself though she was gravely outnumbered and always packs a punch into the space pirate army. She's survived many more horrific dangers than of the others. And you could say (For every Metroid game but Other M) she is a strong, silent type. (She was still strong in Other M, but far from silent.)

Varia01

#62

Varia01 said:

Are me and 3Dash the only people who have proclaimed that we voted for Samys Aran, I mean really?

TailsSonicDX

#64

TailsSonicDX said:

My opinon on these people:
Kirby - Long live kirby!
Zelda - coulden't care less if zelda died.
Bowser - meh.
Mario - He's AWESOME.
Pit - So-so.
Samus - cool.
I voted for kirby BTW.

Tricoloryoshi

#66

Tricoloryoshi said:

I chose Kirby because he said everything would be bright and colourful and also because pink blobs are awesome. :3

ElsaGamer

#68

ElsaGamer said:

Mario- oligarchy
Bowser- autocracy/dictatorship
Kirby- anarchy
Pit- fascism
Samus- kratocracy
Zelda- constitutional monarchy

Take your pick ;)

treeofmana

#69

treeofmana said:

Ha ha! That is a very clever post. Thanks so much. It certainly lightens the mood of election time here in the USA. I had to go with Zelda since she has had the most experience governing. But I like what @Eryan64 pointed out.

DestinyMan

#71

DestinyMan said:

Mario would be a good president. After saving Mushroom Kingdom from dozens of crises over the years, he would be a good Commander-In-Chief in case the Koopas invaded the country. He was a carpenter, plumber, and a doctor, so he knows both the blue-collar and white-collar worlds. There would be an economic boom because of his ability to turn into gold and produce coins by the trillions so there would be no more recessions. He would also give optimistic, passionate speeches to make the country of the people feel better, but he would also do what he says and not just say it. He's got it all.

Here's what I think Mario's cabinet would look like
Vice President- Luigi
Secretary of State- Peach
Secretary of Defense- Pit
Treasury Secretary- Wario
Attorney General- Kirby (he defended Donkey Kong from Universal, remember?)

Jollykarp

#74

Jollykarp said:

I would totally vote for Olimar, he seems good at leading masses of citizens, and plus I hear the Bulborb problem in the States is worse than ever D:

Odnetnin

#79

Odnetnin said:

I voted Kirby, but remember: it's not who you vote for, but that you vote that matters.

Sonomin

#82

Sonomin said:

Zelda's the only one with good political experience. Plus she doesn't always get kidnapped like Peach does..

Kyloctopus

#83

Kyloctopus said:

It only makes sense voting for Zelda, at least she has some sort of politcal experiance.

Funky_Gamer

#85

Funky_Gamer said:

I'd go with Ike or Krom. Someone from Fire Emblem. Besides, most of them are already kings of a country already :P

doctor_doak

#87

doctor_doak said:

Good lord, I hope Herman Cain isn't reading this article. Don't give the man ideas. Because he actually WILL invoke Bowser as inspiration for the formulation of domestc policy if he has another tilt at the presidency..

DarkKirby

#88

DarkKirby said:

I'm voting for Kirby. Zelda, she's good an all, but whenever there is crisis in the world, nay, the universe, Kirby goes and fixes it himself, even if he causes it to be worse at some point through a misunderstanding. He doesn't need to employ the help of a green tunic hero. That would cost tax payers valuable money.

My decision was in no way effected by bias.

Klunk23

#91

Klunk23 said:

Kirby's slogan is really what got me. It shows a leader who will represent the people, but is also realistic in his views. It show his humble characteristics and yet, fun lifestyle. And just look at his fellow candidates. A plumber (supports illegal drugs) , a kidnapper, a (over commanding) goddess (let's face it, pit can't think for himself), a (possibly communist) space warrior, and a Queen (remember what happened last time a Monarch ruled over america. Can you really trust these people. You can trust Kirby

Klunk23

#92

Klunk23 said:

@Funky_Gamer I agree. But Ike is never a king, in fact he resents the fact off becoming royalty. I would go with Queen Elincia of Crimia from Fire Emblem Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn.. I like her sense of Mercy. Though her "skill" mercy in the actual gameplay always annoyed me.

triforcepower73

#94

triforcepower73 said:

Kirby could just suck in George Washington, get his incredible leadership powers, then bring this country back to being the greatest nation on earth. But Zelda is a princess/queen with a lot of experience and the triforce of wisdom. So I vote for her.

True_Hero

#97

True_Hero said:

@Varia01
I'll have you know that I've already said I voted for Samus. I was the fourth comment! The nerve of some people...

WaxxyOne

#99

WaxxyOne said:

I wouldn't mind Samus, but I think Zelda is a better fit, having more experience ruling people while not being afraid to get her hands dirty and kick some butt when needed. Samus would probably just respond to crises with a power bomb, and that's just not the kind of candidate we need.

Sir_Anthony

#103

Sir_Anthony said:

Why not pit why Zelda we need an angel for president!
Sorry mario but plumbers can't become president.

ThomasBW84Admin

#108

ThomasBW84 said:

Of course the poll will keep running, but it looks like we have a winner.

ZELDA FOR PRESIDENT

LeasTwanteD

#109

LeasTwanteD said:

@ThomasBW84 (#54): I'm sorry if i was being rude yesterday. :(
It's a great idea. I was just a bit disappointed because i saw more potential in it. It wouldn't have made sense to wait four more years though.
Hope a "part 2" is still in the cards for the next election. :)

kobe1724

#111

kobe1724 said:

I agree about the winner for this poll, but I can't say the same about the real election...

TailsSonicDX

#114

TailsSonicDX said:

Ok, quite a few of you voted for zelda, but think about it, your voting for someone that gets kidnapped half of the time!

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