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Feature: Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life - Volume 5

Posted by James Newton

The final frontier

Since our last Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life — Volume 4 the number of idiotic missives reaching our inbox has drastically decreased. Perhaps it's due to the fear of being shamed so publicly, or maybe stupidity is a finite resource and the world is running out.

Missed a previous round-up of dumbness? Catch up!

Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life – Volume 1
Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life – Volume 2
Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life – Volume 3
Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life – Volume 4

Although this should go without saying, do not send us intentionally stupid emails. This only wastes our time and yours. It's not funny and it's certainly not clever.

1. The next Hemingway

wassup lol

have 2 bro

have 2 sis and me make 3

lol that my life and that all i am going to tell u lol

from christine lol

2. Thanks guy

i just want to saw everyone in Nintendo is just awesome. i love all the games you guys are making. i am looking forward to the new smash bros. i live Nintendo you guys are the best game company on the planet. looking forward to making my games with you guy.

3. OK! WE WILL!

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Followed by:

KEEP THIS SITE GOING... I LOVE IT!

4. Will you now?

I will have you deliver combat of giant dinosaurs 3D in my mailbox please

5. Aren't they actually movies..?

My son was hoping that you would make some of the available pictures in black and white so kids everywhere would be able to color or paint them themselves. He really likes the video game pictures, like Batman, Indiana Jones and Pirates of the Carribbean. Thank you for your time.

6. Your card is in the post. Expect delivery in 5 - 10 working lifetimes.

Plzz Give A Ninetendolife card And Contect me my no is [number removed]

7. Serious question about feelings

How would you feel if Neo Bowser City was in Super Mario 3D Land don't you think it be a great idea to put it in or how would you feel if they put in an 8 bit stage from Super Mario Brothers back in 1985?

8. Go right ahead

Would like to updates on games and prices

9. Really wants friends

Hi im [name removed]
im asking you if you can put me out there because i really want friends that have a 3ds and people that i can talk to and play games with. I do not have an email account or a computer that i can browse on all day. I got this email from my bigger brother. and using my 3DS as internet. all im asking for you to do is put my friend code out there ([removed]) and ill look on tomorrow and add the friends that added me in. heck i would ask you to add me as you friend code but i dont have email. if you have questions call me 3:00-7:00pm [removed] this is my house phone

10. Trade-off

Gamefly should have QR labels on the envelopes; one to scan when you got it and one to scan when you send it back and as soon as you scan it prior to you shipping; they send out another. So you have more control in the "Fast Return". Instead of a post office that might have the scanner and might actually scan it; you scan it.

11. Incredible foresight from moneybags

Hi I just wanted to suggest a possible improvement to the 3ds as I cannot purchase any for myself or my children. I find the screen far to small. Could I suggest it slightly larger like the ds lite or dsi. I guess the xl in 3d is a good size if I was going to buy for my smaller children or parents. I will probably have to purchase a xl for my 4 year old this year, whilst my other 2 boys (older) have the dsl. I own every console made and have only recently had to get rid of the original nintendo (before snes) I guess I am just frustrated that I cannot purchase the 3ds because the screen is just too small. I hope my suggestion is considered for improvements as I would love to purchase at least 4 for my 3 children and myself,

12. How the devil should we know?

Well i know that this isnt the matter but why cant i see or read any of my facebook messages please inbox me right away

13. It ends how it began

I would like to know is cricket game is available in market. When it will be available in the United States or can i order from some where outside the United States.

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User Comments (81)

grumblegrumble

#1

grumblegrumble said:

You really can't blame geeky gamers. Some of us are very very young, some of us are very illiterate and crazy, and the rest are normal and smart (like me) lol! jk, ok maybe not ;)

Morpheel

#3

Morpheel said:

Omg is that you, DessiTheBlackDragon? That earring hole looks painful D:

On an unrelated note, it's nice to see people still thinks this site is Nintendo, lol. Their grammar is so awkward it makes me wonder if they're just our users trying to be featured.

SMEXIZELDAMAN

#4

SMEXIZELDAMAN said:

Hahaha. We've come full circle with that cricket email xD Kudos, James! May you have a fun time working for NoE and may you come visit us when you are drunk again. Toodle pip, old bean :gentlemencatboi:

KaiserGX

#7

KaiserGX said:

When I looked at the door in James' background... I learned he was human... just like the rest of us. Sorry for giving you a hard time back in 09.

tat2

#10

tat2 said:

Pretty sure that #5 is referring to the Lego games of said franchises.

TheDreamingHawk

#13

TheDreamingHawk said:

Aw... Why did you remove their names and numbers?:p

"My son was hoping that you would make some of the available pictures in black and white so kids everywhere would be able to color or paint them themselves. He really likes the video game pictures, like Batman, Indiana Jones and Pirates of the Carribbean. Thank you for your time."

Get a better parent.

CrispyGoomba

#14

CrispyGoomba said:

Did a just read that someone was going to buy their 4 year old a 3DS XL? inb4 they don't pay attention to turn 3D off for 6 and under kids.

ogo79

#18

ogo79 said:

4. Will you now?
I will have you deliver combat of giant dinosaurs 3D in my mailbox please

that made me laugh

NImH

#20

NImH said:

I actually love stupid emails.
Real life is the funniest crap... which is why a lot of TV sitcoms trend toward feeling improvisational and like everyday-life documentaries.
Then again, maybe I just don't receive hundreds of dumb messages like I'm sure the NL staff do.

Nintenzo

#23

Nintenzo said:

I wonder if the emails would get any less stupid if so many people didn't think you were Nintendo.

RevolverLink

#27

RevolverLink said:

Most of these had me looking like this -

Untitled

Never change internet, never change.

But srsly tho, where is my Combat of Giant Dinosaurs 3D!?!? I said please!

Neram

#34

Neram said:

Poor #9, stuck in the confines of their 3DS web browser, so desperately looking for friends. I genuinely feel sorry for them, I wonder how they'll feel once they realize you can't communicate with anyone through the 3DS Friend List...

James

#36

James said:

I really, really shouldn't have to say this but here goes:

Do not send in intentionally stupid emails. I've been doing this long enough to know what's real and what's fake, and if I catch you I will ban you.

LordJumpMad

#38

LordJumpMad said:

Plzz Give A Ninetendolife card And Contect me my no is

I didn't know you guys had tading cards?
Can I have the browneyes blackdragon pizz!

cnm_nintendo

#39

cnm_nintendo said:

I'm sorry but nothing beats that email about why "The Wii Balance Bord isn't working!!" all the way back from Volume 1. It still cracks me up. :D

FluttershyGuy

#40

FluttershyGuy said:

More ROTFLMAO goodness! Glad I resist the urge to make some of the Emails I do, or you might be reading a masterpiece of mine. ;) Oh, in honor of James, my favorite reaction shot from the Emails series...
Untitled

One of the greatest, most LOL pics I've ever seen online, punctuated by the awesome Zelda cap. :D Should be a meme to top "my body is ready!" ;)

On a side note, thank you for all your work, James, in making Nintendo Life one of my favorite sites, and my go-to site for Nintendo stuff! Good luck at Nintendo! As a Sega fan going to work with Nintendo, do you feel kind of like Johnny Damon going to play for the New York Yankees? Sorry, I don't know any Manchester United or Manchester City players, so I can't provide a comparison more relevant to you. :(

coolvw93

#41

coolvw93 said:

#9 made me laugh with all the stuff they listed. its weird some of the things people say sometime in emails, im just glad we get a good laugh from them.

ajcismo

#42

ajcismo said:

Ahh the future of humanity, destroying the English language like Space Invaders on a screen.

FluttershyGuy

#44

FluttershyGuy said:

By the way, theblackdragon, if that's you in the pic, aren't you afraid of others discovering your true identity? A troll like NL's own LordJumpHigh is likely to lay booty traps at your Dragon's Lair, like Batman's rivals have done to the Bat Cave in the past! :O

Capt_N

#46

Capt_N said:

@Mason Actually, I think it's bound to happen, unfortunately for @James.

@everyoneelse: @ this point, this phrase "© 2012 Nintendo Life, part of Nlife Ltd. This site is not affiliated with Nintendo. Hosted by dx.net. ", @ the bottom of every page of this particular website, more, or less serves no distinguishing purposes to the less intuitive web browsing person/(inter)net surfer, & is just serving as a copyright piece, for this site's protection.

"I iz pregnant woman", or something like that, was one of my favs, from an issue of these stupid emails a while back.

I like 3, 4, & 8. @James "This only wastes our time and yours." - Precisely. I agree

Tasuki

#47

Tasuki said:

I can see kinda of mixing up Nintendolife for Nintendo but Gamefly??? Wow, and thats all I am going to say.

torotoid64

#48

torotoid64 said:

>buys four year old 3ds xl
> his other kids (older) have a dsi
This parent...PUT HIM ON FIRE!!!! >O<

Vincent294

#49

Vincent294 said:

@RevolverLink Where did you find that face? That looked like he must've seen the stupidest play ever by his coach/most ridiculous thing ever happen at the Super Bowl.

R-L-A-George

#51

R-L-A-George said:

LOL, well every site gets weird questions. Though Nintendo Life are even odder. People still thinking NL is affiliate with Nintendo.

Vincent294

#52

Vincent294 said:

I read volume 1, and another Halo fan has united to defend it. Man, how many stupid emails do you guys get? Anyways, Halo is awesome and how it sucks is beyond me. It plays well, looks good, etc.

SuperMinusWorld

#53

SuperMinusWorld said:

Ok, #7 is pretty legit. I thought that same stuff. Not sure about you fellows, but I'd love to see a city level in the platformer series. And I was seriously hoping for an 8 bit level in 3D Land. Damn it, now I want things I'll never have.

Vincent294

#57

Vincent294 said:

@cnm_nintendo That was a good one. I had that happen one time...I fixed it in about 10 seconds. I wonder how long it took that idiot to figure it out.

KingMike

#58

KingMike said:

I agree 9 is pretty sad, though maybe not as much as the lady in the previous installment asking if she should trust her doctor or Wii Fit more.

Vincent294

#59

Vincent294 said:

I read all the old ones. Some were so funny, like the can you guys make Wii games more like Kinect games one. The title, irony, was a perfect fit, when so many Kinect games practically are Wii games, but w/ HD & voice commands, and a hint of originality. Why so many people mistake you guys for Nintendo is just sad too, because it says that on the site. Also, the links on volume 3 are wrong: It shows links for Volumes 1 & 2, not 2 & 4

Big_A2

#64

Big_A2 said:

I never really thought about this before; if this is the kind of crap NintendoLife is getting then I wonder what crazy stuff Nintendo themselves receive.

outrun2sp

#65

outrun2sp said:

Nice way to treat your younger viewers supporting your site.

Take the piss out of them.

Flowerlark

#69

Flowerlark said:

Wow... but most of these e-mails (sans the ones from parents) are likely written by A) little kids or B) people who don't speak English so well. I'm not so sure we should be making fun of them...

CerealKiller062

#70

CerealKiller062 said:

The newer generation of gamers really does scare me to believe that they are a bunch of uncooperative noobs that will plague onlline furoms and cooperative online games. What ever happened to brothers in arms? Gamers used to stand united, now we are split between the 8-bit gamers (What I call the gamers since the atari and nes) and the newer HD only generation (14 years and younger IMO)

Urbanhispanic

#74

Urbanhispanic said:

wow.....sometimes people need to THINK first before they e-mail you questions, James. But then again, you wouldn't have anything good to share with the readers so it all works out :P

JohnPhilipSousa

#76

JohnPhilipSousa said:

@CerealKiller062 I'm an 8/16-bit gamer for the most part, and I'm 13. I love 8-bit and especially 16-bit games and modern games similar to them. I rarely play games like Halo or Call of Duty, but I do occasionally. But for the most part, I'm a retro gamer, and I am offended that you would assume that people under 14 don't play retro games. Heck, I get sad when I see little kids playing HD games or worse; smartphone "games".

Capt_N

#77

Capt_N said:

@SuperMinusWorld To Africa, with Shaft. :)

No, he's actually going to be working for NoE(Nintendo of Europe), & he will be missed here. :(

Edit:

@Flowerlark assuming you are correct about these ppl, then I agree w/ you. Assuming you are incorrect, then @A-Hungry-Banker's comment was awesome! :)

Problem is, parents should monitor their kids from using the pc, when they don't know how, & for those that do have some intelligence(& I'm not saying that as a smart remark), they should realize this site is not the www.Nintendo.com official company website.

Capt_N

#78

Capt_N said:

@Flowerlark assuming you are correct about these ppl, then I agree w/ you. Assuming you are incorrect, then @A-Hungry-Banker's comment was awesome! :)

Problem is, parents should monitor their kids from using the pc, when they don't know how, & for those that do have some intelligence(& I'm not saying that as a smart remark), they should realize this site is not the www.Nintendo.com official company website.

Zach

#80

Zach said:

Looking forward to making my games with you guy! Please inbox me.

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