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Features: Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life - Volume 3

Posted by James Newton

In which the world continues not to make sense

Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life and its world-beating sequel Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life — Volume 2 exposed some of the provocative, embarrassing and downright idiotic emails we receive on a daily basis here. From readers confusing us with the real, actual Nintendo to banned users wanting another shot at membership, we see it all here. Here's another choice selection of out-there emails for your enjoyment.

Can't hurt to ask

Dear Sir/Madam: I am a parent of 53 yrs of age and on a limited income with one daughter in grad school and just had her second book published, another daughter of the same age in law school, a son in California attending school to become a chef while fighting cancer. I have six more children who are all on a positive path. Some of these children were not born to me but to a mother who shot drug and any and all of what one can do with various drugs.The reason for this contact is to ask you if there is a way that you could send me a free coupon for the wii? May be some were returned for different reasons and therefor you cannot sell the system. I've always wished to purchase one for myself, the one whereas you can exercise using the system but I'd truly like one that each of my children can share during the holidays.Sincere mother (name removed)

Big in Belarus

I'm willing to translate page located at http://www.nintendolife.com/about to the Belorussian language (my mother tongue). What I'm asking for is your written permission, so you don't mind after I'll post the translation to my blog. The translation is intended only for web, no print copies planned.

Visitors of your website, who come from Minsk (Belorussia) will be the ones, who will read this blogpost, that's the only way to spread them, no additional instruments we can use. Every translation we ever do does not costs a penny for the webpage, which is translated. All we ask is to link back in whatever way you feel confident about it.

You can leave a voice message and I will call you back, if you prefer a call instead of emails. Do you prefer email or IM for contact (if any questions regarding the translation arise)? What instant messaging client (if any) do you use? AIM, MSN, Skype?

Out of our jurisdiction

why have u not blocked me yet from xbox live please block me and all my communication skills tks :milf faker

Important issue that must be resolved

hi. under the chat box it has the "please note" thing and it says "spoke". a few other users and i believe it should be changed, maybe to "wrote". it's just bothering me

We waited and waited. He never showed.

I would like to discuss opportunities for connecting the Wii to a USB enabled fitness equipment and subsequent game development (I would need referrals to game developent). An in person meeting could take place at CES in January; is it possible to set up said meeting?

It could be anything

Is this for use in a regular nintendo ds and is it a game you insert into the unit?

Where did you last have them?

i can not believe we do not havepokemon stadium mario party 3

Where is Mario is Missing?!?!?!

my question is about the choise of games on the wii ware...... who gets 2 decide what games espeailly games from the past go on the list? well im not happy :( as a customer i think we shud get 2 request what games we want ESPEAILY MARIO GAMES!!! mario is a legend and i just cant belive why all the past mario games are`nt listed???????? the list doesnt make sence, you have (super maio world snes) listed but not super mario 2 yoshis island or mario is missing!!! but you have listed (super mario rpg legend of the 7 stars) ????? please listen to your customers ive been a loyal fan of nintedo for years and have never played anouther console such as playstation or xbox, i was so happy when the wii came out mainly for the fact that u could get wii points to buy old games you had played on older consoles so imagine my disappointment when what i wanted wasnt there :*( its was sooo dissapointing u seem 2 have ever past sonic and donky kong classic available to buy but lets be honest ! they dont conpare 2 my old favorite mario

Turn your volume down now

WHAT IS BETTER THE DSI OR PSP I HAVE A DSI BUT REALLY NOT ENJOYING IT AS I USE TO. WHAT IS THE TRADE IN VALUE YOU THINK FOR THE DSI. FROM YOUR OPIONION HOW MUCH YOU THINK THEY WILL GIVE ME FOR THE DSI AT GAMESTOP I JUST WANT YOUR OPINION. THX

A true classic

This next email came from a genuine professor of psychology and neuroscience at a college in the U.S.

HI,I thought I was buying a high performance version of super scribblenauts for the ds.The game that arrived says nothing about high performance. Does nintendo make a high performance version? And if so, how does one tell from the package that one has the high performance version. It is possible that the seller of this game sent me the incorrect version and I don't want to open the game until I know that it is what I paid for.

What if the hotrod was driven by a giant gorilla?

Why do they make games so damn hard? Cant you just have NORMAL games?It says to press 2 to jump, doesnt jump. Im sure as hell a motorbike cannot bump a hotrod in mario kart. Its ridiculous

Lauren

how are you and get my dis wed enter back to my system and places help me right now

Lauren again, with her Symon

i lost my dis web bowers and give me a hint what is a name and if you now mail me right now ans is not in my Symon 4 things in my dis i need help on it now ok

Wii Fit vs. Doctor

My WII Fit Plus tells me my ideal weight is 140 pounds but my doctor tells me I should not go to that low of a weight. I started using my WII Fit Plus in January 2010 and my weight was 218 pounds I now weigh 149 pounds and everyone tells me not to try and go down to the 140 pounds that the WII tells me is my ideal weight. Is there a way to adjust the WII Fit Plus ideal weight to match what my doctor tells me is my ideal weight?

Top of our list of priorities

can u make a lightcycles video game for 3ds?

Hope she's put the fire out

Hi, I singed the sheet but my printer is broke and I have no stamps can you please activate code a126531 please.

More Nintendo confusion

I have a book of puzzles that I would like to turn into a DVD game that is like free cell or spider solitaire in that at the end of each puzzle being solved the clip art "comes to life" and bursts onto the page. Example: the stars on the page would multiply and burst like fireworks. OR the race cars would zoom around the track. OR the gemstones would multiply and sparkle down the page. Do you work with authors to publish them (the DVD game)? Do you work in conjunction with book publishers (the book of puzzles)?

I also have a card game, actually 6 card games I created, one of which is a new version of free cell which would make a great DVD game. Maybe we can work together, collaborate. If so, great, if not, do you know of a company who does this type of work? Thanks for your time and consideration.

Selling dogs by the pound

This next email came from a well-respected fashion and lifestyle store.

I would like some wholesale information on the Wappy Dog, do you please hav the relevant contact?

Happy to help

it says clearly you will take money donations. in fact thats the first thing thats mentioned. i see now...its a personal problem, dont forget when i first joined the board i recieved nothing but ridicule and i still offered to donate. HATERS.

We assume so, unless you're mute

can i talk to friends

The Wii is alive!

My wii is playing Happy Birthday at 1pm every day and I don't know how to stop it, can you help please as it is really annoying! I have unplugged it and it still does it!!

Let us put our DS-tracking gear on

my dsi and pokemon white game got stolen and i haven't even owned them for a week can you guys help me?

Another happy customer

The wii is the best gaming system ever!!!

Causing sleepless nights

Hey, I was just wondering why Wonder Boy III for the sega master system is listed as an RPG and Dragon's Curse for the Turbografix 16 is listed as an Adventure game even though the latter is only a port of the former. Shouldn't they both have the same genre?

Thanks, we've been working on it

good word collection

Only in the 80s

Can I phone in a purchus for the c64 boulder dash?

We still quite like Helix.

Your site is so sexy. But, how do you determine the sexiness factor on a website? Well, I'm glad you asked, imaginary reader. The sexiness of a site is directly proportional to the quality of its content. Except for the WiiWare Helix review. How Moses split the red sea is a mystery, but how you rated the fraction of excrement Helix an 8/10 is something I will never work out.

I hope you continue to produce sexy content.

P.S: Terminator 3 sucks. Thankfully Salvation was cool

Something fishy

when selecting afish to fish,we select big mouth bass and we fish. when we check tackle box it is on channel cat. how do we keep it on the big mouth bass? thanks

Like old times

I have a nintendo wii from the United states, will the ashes game work on that version?

If only we could read minds

cant play game cant get pass new profile menu have not played game yet because i cant get started

That's good to know. Thanks.

hey wat u talking about and in going nintendo chat now so im coming to talk with u to just to let u know im a very girly girl

Geologists play games too

I have just been wondering about the compaction i just entered . Now I have entered 8 different compaction just to win a 3Ds . The compaction closed on Friday so I thought you would have pick the three people already and contacted every 1 but every time I go in to my emails it is not there , There is no email . Now I really want one of these Ds and I really want to now the results . So if you could email me it would be great .Thank you sincerely

The direct approach

is there going to be a wii 2 plz make one i love the wii and can you give me a free one for my kid if you make one plz contact me

No, we are not

Dear sir, Are you the plush toys supplier?

Nothing much. You?

wat's up my friend

No idea

code d'acces=31738 to enter the contest to win wii de nintendo.thanks

When good users go bad

Hey, what's your name, Poop Stain?!? I LIKE POOP! HOW BOUT YOU?!? What is your favorite USB CORD?!? NA NEEEEEE HE NEEEE NEEEEE PAULIE SAYS HI AUNT SHELIA! HAHA! WOOOOo! Do you like Olive Garden?!? Ollie & Friends: Ollie the Olive, Bene the Breadstick, Ricky Ravioli

Continue reading: Volume 1 | Volume 2

More Stories

User Comments (97)

Colors

#1

Colors said:

:D Thank you, James. See kids, this is why you should never, ever, drink.

jaffa

#2

jaffa said:

lol these are hilarious xD hope you guys continue to produce more sexy content in the future :)

LordJumpMad

#6

LordJumpMad said:

I see you got my Letter :D
I'm not saying which one :P
Why can't we HAS Mario is Missing on VC??!!?!
The site is indeed sexy~

CorbsAdmin

#10

Corbs said:

No actual names were used in the humiliation of these people. Any public use of these emails without the express written consent of Nintendo Life and Nlife Ltd. is strictly prohibited.

James

#11

James said:

@Wheels2050 Nobody's names or personal details are being revealed, just questions they sent to us, so the user's privacy is still intact :)

cnm_nintendo

#13

cnm_nintendo said:

ROFL XD This is so funny! I especially cracked up at the "Just to let you know, i'm a very girly girl". XD LOL

Azikira

#15

Azikira said:

My faith in humanity has just dropped like a lead brick! XD

Oh btw, Will this work for my 3DS? Because Your website is a girly girl. XD

dizzy_boy

#16

dizzy_boy said:

@9. maybe thsts the "mother that shot drug and any and of all one can do with various drugs."

Link79

#17

Link79 said:

I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-kiri Rock.
I need Scissors! 61!

Nintenzo

#18

Nintenzo said:

What's your name, poop stain?

My inner Grammar-Nazi is laughing/throwing up at all of these. :D

Blaze

#21

Blaze said:

Ha, so many people seem to think you guys here at Nintendo Life are actually Nintendo! I find it funny ow they blame you for game's being too hard and not having things they want, can't they contact Nintendo? :-D

NSBlueLighing

#24

NSBlueLighing said:

Are people this idiotic that they can't spell or use grammar and than send emails to the wrong company...(facepalm) Some are probably on purpose but why would you send an email to Nintendo with wording like this. Lauren
how are you and get my dis wed enter back to my system and places help me right now

Atleast if you think this is the real nintendo use proper grammar and spelling. No wonder when i send emails to nintendo i get replies back in a couple of hours cause they dont get dumb ones like these.

J-Forest-Esq

#27

J-Forest-Esq said:

My personal favourite: "I have unplugged it and it still does it!"
I'd like to know if you actually replied to any of these?

RedYoshi999

#29

RedYoshi999 said:

I have never ROFL'd harder in my life than reading that last email! "Hey, what's your name, Poop Stain?!? I LIKE POOP! HOW BOUT YOU?!? What is your favorite USB CORD?!?" I read that far before cracking up for 5 minutes :D

Monkeh

#32

Monkeh said:

@Nintenzo: Same here. ^^' The terrible writing just makes it look like all those emails were sent by 13 year olds.

LEGEND_MARIOID

#34

LEGEND_MARIOID said:

Hahahaha...the interent, gotta love the place - ppl loose their heads in what they think is an alternate universe. Seriously, psychologists and psychiatrists should study interent syndrome...

Moco_Loco

#35

Moco_Loco said:

Is it 1 p.m. yet? Let me know when it is, so I can hide behind that Wii and sing Happy Birthday.

SilverBaretta

#36

SilverBaretta said:

The noobiness....I'm dying from it.......

Also, what kind of sick barricuda would want Mario is Missing on VC?

James

#38

James said:

Yeah, we reply to quite a lot of these actually — most of the time we never hear back!

SullKid

#39

SullKid said:

Nice. :D Have to check earlier articles. You should see what we get at work. And we have to respond to them as politely as possible, paying customers you know.

I'm looking for a new job.

Zach

#42

Zach said:

That one about Symon is my favorite. Usually I can decipher what a user is trying to ask for, but not that one. Thanks for the great article James, just to let you know I'm a very girly girl.

the_shpydar

#44

the_shpydar said:

Yay. :D
The "sexiness" one is my favorite. I nearly spit out my coffee laughing at the end with the random Terminator comments. XD

Tare

#45

Tare said:

Personally, I'd love to see some of the replies that NL sent them. I think you guys would do a *ahem, respectable reply?

Mowzle2

#47

Mowzle2 said:

@34. Monkeh -
I think you're being very unfair to 13 year olds.
It takes a very special type of person to write one of those emails - they just live on a different plane to the rest of us 0<img class=" /> :*

Robo-goose

#50

Robo-goose said:

"My wii is playing Happy Birthday at 1pm every day and I don't know how to stop it, can you help please as it is really annoying! I have unplugged it and it still does it!!"
Untitled

AlbertoC

#51

AlbertoC said:

"Just to let you know, i'm a girly girl" (ROFL)

"Can you now see yourself in the mirror and say that again?" (XD)

CerealKiller062

#54

CerealKiller062 said:

Can't hurt to ask- This one made me cry, lol, rofl, cry some more and then some more lol's.
A true classic- Performance Version?
Wii Fit vs. Doctor- 219 to 149? Never knew Wii Fit worked.
Selling dogs by the pound- Victoria's Secret?
The direct approach- Add me to that list!
The Wii is alive!- 0.0 That is incredible!
We still quite like Helix.- Salvation was the best, wasn't it?
When good users go bad- ... ooooooooooooooooooooook

ueI

#55

ueI said:

Mario is missing from the virtual console!

What did you say to the Belorussian? That request seemed authentic and it would have been very helpful to Belorussians everywhere.

pikku

#57

pikku said:

Haha my favorite was the Mario is Missing?!?! one were the person tried to make a crying face (I guess? D: ) and it ended up as a :*. Haha great times xD

Bassman_Q

#62

Bassman_Q said:

HAHAHAHAHAHA Hey POOPsTain, gimme a free Wii Q-pon yeaH? And whiLe ur add it, gimme a Wii 2 IF you can mAkE 1 as well as a HIGH (like me) PERFORMANCE SoUPer ScrIBBleKnotS!

And By tHe way, I is a girly girl. Thx.

:D :P

warioswoods

#64

warioswoods said:

The Happy Birthday thing is actually somewhat disturbing. Make it 1am instead of 1pm and I'd be freaking out. I'd have thrown my haunted Wii away long ago.

ueI

#67

ueI said:

I misread the happy birthday wii email and thought it was singing at 1 AM because that would have been scarier.

Mabbit

#73

Mabbit said:

"how are you and get my dis wed enter back to my system and places help me right now"
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

FFL2and3rocks

#74

FFL2and3rocks said:

Wait a minute, I don't think any of my games are the high performance versions! I've been ripped off!

Gio32k

#77

Gio32k said:

"NA NEEEEEE HE NEEEE NEEEEE PAULIE SAYS HI AUNT SHELIA! " So random, yet soo funny.

RudysaurusRex

#81

RudysaurusRex said:

@78 I got the high-performance Super Scribblenauts for Christmas. I feel completely ripped off. >_< Stupid me. Stupid 5th Cell. Stupid Nintendo.

Macaronius

#82

Macaronius said:

"Ollie the Olive, Bene the Breadstick, Ricky Ravioli"
I must remodel my lifestyle to reflect the standards of these epic names.

Savino

#83

Savino said:

You can tell what you want but for me the best ones are those who asks for a free Wii or DS.

I mean, what those ppl are thinking????? lol!

Girlly girl was amazing too.

theblackdragonAdmin

#85

theblackdragon said:

Just a friendly heads-up:

DO NOT WASTE OUR TIME.

We get enough of this crap from legitimate sources, we don't need you guys sending in crank e-mails of your own. Abuse of the Contact Form is something we take seriously, and you may just find yourself on the receiving end of a ban if you try it.
we love you guys, please don't do it :(

James

#86

James said:

Again, to those users who find it funny to intentionally waste our time with the hope of getting into a future volume of our Bizarre Emails.

DO NOT WASTE OUR TIME

Making up stupid emails to send to us makes you even more idiotic than the genuine people we feature here. Don't do it.

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