When Coffee Stain Studios originally released Goat Simulator back in 2014, public reaction went from trying to grasp why a game based around simulating a goat could ever be fun, to countless YouTube videos of sadistic users abusing and creating unparalleled carnage with one of life's most unassuming and innocent animals.
Of course, it wasn't supposed to be - by any account - a simulator, and the goat simply served as the most unlikely and comical of antagonists; a scapegoat, if you will.
Joindots GmbH has decided to jump on the sudden surge of simulation bandwagons with Suspension Railroad Simulator on the Wii U, except that somewhere along the way forgot that it was Goat Simulator's huge sense of irony that was its most charming facet; it's created a title that is neither fun or educational on any level.
Suspension Railroad Simulator is a game that, in its own words, allows the end user to 'Experience the unique atmosphere of the Wuppertal Suspension Railroad'. And by unique, they mean there's nothing else like it, and based on the evidence, there are countless reasons why no one has attempted to create a railroad simulator and pass it off as entertainment. From the moment it boots up to the railroad station, the gamer is immediately placed in a situation where nothing around them makes sense. Walk through the door to the right of the station and expect a lengthy loading screen, only to be presented with a language selection screen. Open and close the lip on the coffeepot to turn 'events' on or off. What are events and how do you actually take charge of the suspension railroad? As the game offers very little help or any form of a tutorial, gamers will likely find themselves flicking through the digital manual to try and decipher the controls.
All of this could be forgiven, however, if the product was any good, yet somehow, even with lowered expectations, this might be one of the worst titles ever to beset the home console.
No matter how irrelevant and inconsequential the small things might be, they still manage to ruin almost everything at every turn. Passengers will enter and exit the railroad at the slowest pace and in militant fashion. Graphically, it's like looking at a HD first generation PS1 title, with little to be desired. There's an event mode that adds certain gameplay elements such as having to fix faulty doors, warnings for going through red lights and customer complaints if they get trapped between the doors if closed too early. It's a lazy, last minute attempt to make this feel like a game, which it doesn't; if it sounds boring, that's because it is. It's probably a blessing in disguise that there's virtually no sound or sound effects to speak of, given the quality of the other segments.
As the railroad driver, the gamer is given full control over the vehicle, such as accelerating, breaking, turning the windscreen wipers on and other joyless and overly unintuitive commands.
Conclusion
In many ways, it seems unfair to assess Suspension Railroad Simulator as a game, as it shares almost no game-like qualities – or certainly none worth mentioning. But as it has the audacity to sit in the Wii U store and position itself as a videogame it must, at the very least, be judged as a piece of entertainment; on that basis it fails on all counts. There is very little simulation offered here, other than holding down on the accelerator and controlling the shutter doors for passengers. Even some of the most mundane titles can have their moments, and justify a play through or - at the very least - a few hours or exploration. Not only does Suspension Railroad Simulator offer nothing in any department, it seems hell bent on going out of its way to upset its users and, for that reason alone, deserves to be ignored. Simply avoid.
Comments 30
This game came out on PC far, far before that monstrosity, 'Goat 'Simulator'' was even concieved.
And The Letter gets more competition. Yet, I think The Letter is better than this. Talk about your race to the bottom. Ah, I can still remember the uproar over Cozy Fire on the Wii back in the day.....
Oh, goodie...it's one of THESE games...
Guess this train sim is the little game that couldn't.
Oh, look! A terrible game! That's hilarious!
But by all means, these "joke simulations" are probably the laziest thing to ever exist. No need to test anything, no need to tweak anything, no need to put effort in anything - just put every glitch as a "feature" in the game description, and people think it's witty and ironic.
Pity. The GamePad would be an ideal interface for a good sim game.
I like this comment in the review: "...most unassuming and innocent animals."
MUUAA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHHH!!!
Oof.
Might want to give this one a proofread, by the way.
My boys would be awestruck by a good train simulation.......oh well didnt need to spend money on anything today anyway
I feel like there isn't a time when most people will play one of these serious simulator games and not expect it to be boring.
The mentioned Goat Simulator, and Surgeon Simulator, are actually parodies of these serious "simulator" games, as they are the straight opposite of serious.
....sighs Enough with the simulators. T.T
@Gerbwmu There are good and even fun train simulators on PC.
Why didn't this get a 1 out of 10?
Not saying this is a great game by any stretch of the imagination, but the attitude of this review's author towards train simulators and simulation games in general smacks a wee bit of ignorance/arrogance. Maybe it's not his cup of tea, but other people really enjoy train simulators given how popular Train Simulator 2015 is on Steam, not to mention older titles like Microsoft Train Simulator and Densha De Go. Now that more adults play video games, I thought we had grown up a bit to realize there's room for a whole diversity of different types of "games" in the world. But I guess that insight is too much to ask on a Nintendo website where if a game isn't Mario/Zelda, it might as well be walking through a door and speaking a different language.
That's a shame I've always wanted to try one of these games was hoping it'd at least competently made.maybe we can get euro truck simulator on the eshop soon the gamepad has plenty of potential for sims.
@NintendoFan64
one of the ones made with a ps1 devkit and put in an emulator? cuz the graphics kinda make you think that.
I got a weird feeling of motion sickness when I watched this played in video form...
@Savino nah they would have to release around thirty a week
I can see how this game would deserve the score it received. It looks horrid, which stinks because I am interested in having this type of game available on Wii U. (A simulator, not necessarily a train simulator.)
I came here expecting something akin to Railroad Tycoon.
Terrible review, or should I say ignorant tirade. This is how much coverage you gave of the actual simulator part:
"As the railroad driver, the gamer is given full control over the vehicle, such as accelerating, breaking, turning the windscreen wipers on and other joyless and overly unintuitive commands."
Wow, a 2!
This review actually makes me want to buy this!
I wish Euro Truck Simulator 2 was on Wii U...
Where can I get Suspended Disbelief Simulator?
Reminds me of the monorail sketch in The Simpsons.
Shame as its a great concept for a simulator. At least its inspired me to try and visit Wuppertal
Tempted to buy this because of the review.
Man, Nintendo just let's anything release on their console these days!
great graphics...if this was a 2001 PS2 game
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