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Topic: Majority of Gamers Today Can’t Finish Level 1 in Super Mario Bros. (Satire article)

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JGMR

1. Posted:

Satoru Iwata (president): I actually agree with your assessment. However, since you are speaking as a stockholder, you should agree with our strategy after you hear about the tests we have conducted.

It may come as a shock to some of you that most gamers today can not finish the original Super Mario Brothers game on the Famicom. We have conducted this test over the past few years to see how difficult we should make our games and have found that the number of people unable to finish the first level is steadily increasing.

This year, around 90 percent of the test participants were unable to complete the first level of Super Mario Brothers. We did not assist them in any way except by providing the exact same instruction manual we used back then. Many of them did not read it and the few that did stopped after the first page which did not cover any of the game mechanics.

We watched the replay videos of how the gamers performed and saw that many did not understand simple concepts like bottomless pits. Around 70 percent died to the first Goomba. Another 50 percent died twice. Many thought the coins were enemies and tried to avoid them. Also, most of them did not use the run button. There were many other depressing things we noted but I can not remember them at the moment.

Furthermore, we asked for suggestions on how to improve the game. A majority of them wanted the game to be easier and they suggested many ways to do this. Some of them wanted a mandatory tutorial while others wanted more ways to kill things besides jumping on them. We explained that Mario could shoot fire balls with the Fire Flower power-up, but then they wanted Mario to start with more weapons like a sword or a gun.

Some of the people seemed to be unaware that this was an actual old game that existed as they asked if the retro-style graphics were supposed to be a throwback to old Nintendo games. Some missed the point of the questionnaire completely and said that the graphics and music were terrible and needed to be improved in order for the game to sell. They also wanted a deeper storyline and voice acting.

So, as a stockholder, you should be relieved to know that our games are easier in order to attract a wider audience. As a gamer, you might feel a little sad, and you should be. It is quite sad.

Article

Guess that happens when you dumb games and thus gamers down?! Wasn't there also an article on NintendoLife discussing this very subject? :p

Edited on by theblackdragon

With kind regards,

JGMR

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DualWielding

2. Posted:

I don't know I find hard to believe 90% of gamers could not finish level 1 of SMB, I don't think games now are harder per se, it was stuff like limited amount of life and no battery saving that forced you to beat a game in one go that made them look more difficult,

DualWielding

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Bulbousaur

3. Posted:

I thought this was confirmed to be fake? Just look at the other articles on the website, obviously satire.

Edited on by Bulbousaur

Bulbousaur

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edhe

4. Posted:

p4rgaming is a joke site. Just so you know.

Here are some recent articles:

Valve Reveals Steam Users Spend More Time Buying Games than P...
Children Who Pick a Side in Console Wars Are 90 Percent More ...
Satoru Iwata Corrects Reports for Missing a Word: We’re Mak...
Cloud Replacing Lightning in Lightning Returns After Positive...

Edited on by edhe

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RedYoshi999

5. Posted:

Come on now, who doesn't die on the first Goomba? ;)

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JGMR

6. Posted:

Never been on that site before this very article. But even if it is fake, it's a good talking-point I think? Can always delete this thread if ya like...

With kind regards,

JGMR

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edhe

7. Posted:

And some favourites:

Gabe Newell Afraid For His Life After Saying Half-Life 3 Endi...
Streamlining the Xbox 360 Pizza Hut App by Leaving Your Door ...
Sponsored: The Nvidia Shield – A Next-Gen Handheld at a Nex...
Masahiro Sakurai: Each Time I Am Asked to Add Geno to Smash B...
Japanese Xbox 360 Sales Skyrocket after Microsoft Japan CEO s...
Microsoft Will Not Track Your Xbox 720 Activity Says Xbox Act...

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Edwardpon playplay Xenoblade Chronicles
WarioWare D.I.Y
Even I don't know how to pronounce my username
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JGMR

8. Posted:

FPS games:

Untitled
Untitled

LOL

With kind regards,

JGMR

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Charizord

9. Posted:

I never finished the original mario bros. never gave it a serious play through. If I did, I'm pretty sure that I would be able to beat it (after smashing the controller to the floor a few times).

Charizord

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JGMR

10. Posted:

@ edhe: LOL :p

With kind regards,

JGMR

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Klimbatize

11. Posted:

I knew this was fake just from the title of the thread, and I figured it would be a story from that site. I don't think gamers are worse today than 20 years ago. They're likely more savvy and better overall.

That said, on the last day of school (I'm a teacher), one of my freshman students handed me a Gameboy Advance with Super Mario Bros. in it and said, "I bet you can't beat this game." I responded with, "I can beat that by the end of class." There were ten minutes left. "No way!" A couple kids shouted, but I took it and went to work. A few were blown away by how fast I beat the first level, not knowing that I had probably played World 1-1 roughly 500 times in my lifetime.

Long story short, I beat it with three minutes to spare, and my students were freaking out the whole time. None of them had even seen World 8-2, let alone the end of the game. Hmmm, on second thought, maybe today's gamers do suck...

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theblackdragon

12. Posted:

@Klimbatize: Hey, the kid handed you a GBA with a proper cartridge in it... today's gamers can't be all bad :3

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Klimbatize

13. Posted:

theblackdragon wrote:

@Klimbatize: Hey, the kid handed you a GBA with a proper cartridge in it... today's gamers can't be all bad :3

True, though that's only because I banned from the classroom his modded DS that had hundreds of ROMs on it. :P

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JGMR

14. Posted:

Klimbatize wrote:

I don't think gamers are worse today than 20 years ago.

I absolutely think so. Not all, but certainly today's majority.

Wii U owners don't know how to play Super Metroid

Today most of the games can be completed by everybody. And I am not wanting to sound too 'elitist' or something, but I hate that fact. Back in the day my friends were amazed by my skills, and still are. Completing games should cost a tremendous effort. And when you do, it's a really rewarding experience!

Now, most games are created without you having to built up any skills. It's all part of the easy consumption of "just another product"...

Edited on by JGMR

With kind regards,

JGMR

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AlexSays

15. Posted:

JGMR wrote:

Completing games should cost a tremendous effort.

Yeah no

That's what harder difficulties are for. Not sure why you're surprised games aren't marketed for the 1% of the population that wants to (or even can) invest a 'tremendous effort' to finish a game.

But then I'm also not on a quest to impress people with my 'amazing skills' (hahaha).

AlexSays

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JGMR

16. Posted:

AlexSays wrote:

JGMR wrote:

Completing games should cost a tremendous effort.

Yeah no

That's what harder difficulties are for. Not sure why you're surprised games aren't marketed for the 1% of the population that wants to (or even can) invest a 'tremendous effort' to finish a game.

But then I'm also not on a quest to impress people with my 'amazing skills' (hahaha).

That's the whole point; gamers were a small, dedicated sub-culture. But now, almost everybody has one or more consoles in their homes. It's not about actual love anymore, something which you could talk about with very few people, but merely fashion. And no, I am not trying to be good for the sake of other people. But it is nice to get compliments from time to time...

With kind regards,

JGMR

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ultraraichu

17. Posted:

I always figured the gamers of today applied their gaming skill to certain genres rather then all. My friend's 8 year old brother can play any violent T to M games FPS and fighting genre like a natural (it worries me too), but could barely get a gold (sometimes silver) medal in any Kirby Epic Yarn stage that you can lose beads.

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JGMR

18. Posted:

ultraraichu wrote:

I always figured the gamers of today applied their gaming skill to certain genres rather then all. My friend's 8 year old brother can play any violent T to M games FPS and fighting genre like a natural (it worries me too), but could barely get a gold (sometimes silver) medal in any Kirby Epic Yarn stage that you can lose beads.

Give him Super Ghouls & Ghosts or Zelda II. LOL

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JGMR

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AlexSays

19. Posted:

You say you're not trying to sound elitist, but then proceed to talk about how you're upset that a hobby once secluded to a much smaller audience has now been made available to a much broader audience.

That's pretty much the definition of elitism.

Many more people are sharing your hobby, oh no. If there were no elitism involved, you would not care, like most people. Instead you find a joke article and post a thread ridiculing the average gamer because they don't have your elite skills. There are plenty of games that require great time consumption (that most people can't afford) in order to be great at, go play those and then show your friends how good you are.

To actually be upset though and 'hate' that video games have become more popular is a bit baffling. Yes, much better to have the industry consist of incredibly difficult games that only appeal to a small audience, so that gaming keeps up its street cred of having nothing but elite gamers.

AlexSays

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Klimbatize

20. Posted:

@JGMR So you want gaming companies to go broke.

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

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