THE GAME RULES:

#1. You list the current monster that the above poster has introduced.
#2. You describe how you defeated that monster. (There is always a way.)
#3. You list the loot which defeating that monster has dropped. (The wittier the better.)
#4. You introduce a new monster for the next poster to defeat. (A monster can be anything.)

THE PARTICIPANT RULES:

A. Follow the Community Rules. Plain and simple.
B. Keep real-world politics out of this. I will not tolerate this thread becoming a soap-box for individual beliefs on how governments should or should not be run.
C. Don't argue with how a monster is defeated, just play the game or navigate yourself to a different webpage.
D. Don't actively target a person's beliefs just for the sake of doing it. I would like to keep the general crossfire that happens on these forums away form this topic.

THE FIRST POST

Monster: Deadly Toast
Strategy: I summon Kirby, who immediately inhales the Deadly Toast and instantly kills it.

Loot:

Butter, level 7
Calories * 75

Next Monster: Lava Shark

...Looks like this thread went nowhere, no didn't it? Whatever, I'll just played with myself then...

Monster: Lava Shark
Strategy: I play a blue land card, conjuring a very small Island which only I can stand on. Because the lava shark lands in the water, it begins to form molten rock, leading to permanent petrification.

Loot:

Molten Shark Tooth * 3
Lava Core * 0.5

Next Monster: Space Ghost

Monster: Space Ghost
Strategy: I calmly point out the various sources of media over the years that demonstrate ghosts are continually conquered by vacuums. Luigi's Mansion, Ghostbusters, Casper... the list is endless. As space is an (almost) perfect vacuum, the infallible logic causes the ghost to blip out of existence.

Loot: None. The spook has ceased to exist, and the tear in logic it resided in has sealed shut forever. Which I guess is a plus.

Next Monster: The Cookie Demon

Monster: Cookie Demon
Strategy: I begin to run from it and it chases me. I lure it back to its fiery dwelling. I continue to evade it, while it bakes in its own fire. After it is sufficiently burned, I use a rock to shatter it, while saying "That's the way the cookie crumbles!"
Loot: Lvl. 4 Book of Puns
Cursed Oatmeal
Next Monster: Mutant Cockroach-Bunny

Monster: Mutant Cockroach Bunny
Strategy: I use bug spray on it, then run until it kicks in, spraying it the entire time. Then I burn any remaining hair for a toast and smelly fire.
Loot: Purple carrots
Next monster: Huge water snake

Monster: Huge water snake
Strategy: I challenge the beast to a jump rope battle. Because the snake has no arms or legs, it declares that that is an unfair competition. I then suggest that we play a game of cards instead. The snake becomes even angrier, saying that he can't do that either. I finally suggest a simple contest that any nitwit can do; rock, paper, scissors. The snake finally loses it and storms off into the sea in a fury. He is so angry that he does not pay careful attention to his surroundings, and he meets his demise when he crashes into a particularly large motorboat.
Loot: Poison Fangs
Lesson in water safety II
Next Monster: Rabid Tree Gopher

Monster: Rabid Tree Gopher
Strategy: I isolate the gopher into a small box. Then I put that box into another box. Then I mail that box to myself. Then I smash it with a hammer.
Loot: Gopher carcas. Use wisely.
Next Monster: Chocolate Batman

Monster: Chocolate Batman
Strategy: I face the dark chocolate knight and ask the grim figure, "Why so serious?" He then begins to explain his tragic past. He talks about the death of his parents at the hands of a chocoholic, and tells me about how his dog died after eating one of his fingers. These tragic tales sadden me, and drive me to seek a comforting food in which to drown my sorrows. I turn to the chocolate crime fighter and begin to eat him as he continues to spout the horrors of his past. Between his sad tales and my need for comfort food, chocolate Batman is eaten. Besides a slight stomach ache, I feel much better and I march on.
Loot: Choco Batarangs x4
Fudgey Batmobile
Next Monster: Zombie Mailcarrier
@moomoo - Nice monster beating strategy.

Monster: Zombie Mailcarrier
Strategy: I run to the closest animal shelter and release the dogs. Then I sit back and watch the undead mailman be eaten alive.
Loot: Zombie mailbag
Wet and Smelly Cawlins Letter
Next Monster: Demonic Pomadour of Steel

MONSTER: Demonic Pompadour of steel
STRATEGY: I release the lice.
LOOT: Hair Gel of Steel
NEXT MONSTER: Flying Ninja Chinchilla.

Monster:Flying Ninja Chinchilla
Strategy:I invite it into my home and offer it coffee, but it declines, saying it does not wish to stay up late as it must awaken early the next day to catch it's next target. We then decide to play some smash bros and I utterly destroyed it. I extend my hand for goodsportmanship, but it only gets angered by this proposition and starts flying around the room flinging kunais, one of which hits my window. But the projectile goes straight through, without any form of mark and it asks me why this is. I then reveal to it, that this was all an elaborate illusion and that it's ninja mind is weak and untrained. My illusion then proceeds to break it's mind, and all that's left is a drooling, twitching rodent.
Loot: dust bombs, Carrot Throwing Stars
Next Monster: Infernal Sith Lord.

Monster : infernal sith lord
Strategy : first i dodge his laserzword give him a falcon punche and take him by his head. then i smash him to the ground run away in a panic and call the cops, they shoot him... DEAD
loot : potatoes and a red rupee
next monster :the invisible man

Monster: the invisible man
Strategy: used my mickey powers first the Paint brush to point him out then the Keyblade to finish him
Loot: Manuscript #1
Next monster: the darkness

monster: the darkness
strategy: i told the sun to stop being lazy and to get back to work, the light started shining again, and the darkness died quickly after its return.
loot: sunscreen spf over 9000 warning may be an atempt at a bad joke and may not actualy protect against sun rays
next monster: the great master of doom a.k.a. fluffy the pwecious wittle kitty cat

Monster: The great master of doom, a.k.a. Fluffy the pwecious wittle kitty cat
Strategy: Harness the cat's cuteness for my own use by taking pictures of it and posting them online with horribly misspelled captions, thereby entrancing the world.
Loot: Likes
Next monster: The Kraken

Monster: The Kraken
Strategy: I hold Medusa's head in front of the advancing Kraken, and it slowly turns to stone.
Loot: Respect from all citizens of Mt. Olympus, Lawsuit from Warner Bros. Pictures
Next monster: A Guy Made of Bees

monster: a guy made of bees?!
Strategy: first I take a beer then I take a bear named Winnie (its yellow...) the bear tries to take away the honey from the bee man. And the bee man gets very angry! The bee man chases the bear then I pick up the bear and throw it into the water. The bee man follows the bear and drowns.
Loot: a dead bear and honey
next monster: ganondorf

Monster: Ganondorf
Strategy: I quickly retreat from Ganondorf because he is far too powerful for me to handle right now. As I retreat, I find and elderly man in a cave. He tells me, "It's dangerous to go alone. Take this." He then gives me a sword. I now have a slim chance, but I need to be stronger. So I travel about the land collecting powerful weapons, defeating dangerous monsters, and doing any random task a stranger asks me to do. After all of these trials, I have become a hero worthy of bearing the legendary Master Sword. I then challenge the king of evil to a duel. He laughs at me and slowly approaches me with his deadly, glowing blade. After a fierce battle and a "HYUUUT, HYAAH," I banished the demon thief to the dark realm.
Loot: Triforce of Power
Triton of Evil
Hair Curlers x6
Next Monster:
Borris
The Certifiably Insane Man

Moster: Borris
Strategy: He burns himself to death while I look in shock and disgust, leaving a heavy feeling in the air.
Loot: Schorched Shoe x1
Fake Teeth x2
Berserk Potion x1
Next Moster: Evil Santa Claus

Monster:Evil Santa Claus
Strategy:he puts bombs in presents
Loot:evil contact lenses
Next Monster:Giant robot