Topic: The Funny Thread

... Ha ha?

That's 110 p.

So it is!

My apologies.

@Sean: this one's borderline, so let me know, and i'll gladly replace it with a better one, but i think it's funny. anyway,
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but Saran wrap. The psychiatrist looks at him and says, "Ok, I can clearly see you're nuts." _{(read it out loud if you didn't get it.... you're/your...)}

What a great thread!

So these two guys were walking down the road and the one said, "hey, do you ever get the urge to just...I don't know, hit your wife? Like really hit her?". And the other guy says, "No. No, that's really upsetting that you would even ask that." And...they kept walking I guess.

Once upon a time, there lived a snake in the desert named Nate. Now, Nate the snake had a job. His job was to guard this lever out in the middle of the desert. No one was ever supposed to pull or even touch the lever, and Nate was supposed to make sure it didn't happen. So every morning Nate would slither from his hole in the ground house where he lived over to the bush next to the lever and make sure no one touched it. Of course, the lever was out in the middle of the desert, so there wasn't much going on. It was a boring job. One day, however, a prospector came wandering through the desert looking for gold. He happened upon the lever as he was walking and found it strange that there would be a lever out in the middle of the desert sticking up out of the dirt. So he walked over to it. As he approached the lever, he hears a voice say, "Don't touch that lever." The prospector looks around and sees nothing, so he shakes it off and reaches again. "Don't touch that lever." The prospector is startled, and looks around a second time. When he doesn't see anybody, he yells out, "Who said that?" Nate slithers out of the bush nearby and says, "I did. Now don't touch that lever." The prospector is amazed. He can hardly speak. He manages to stammer out, "But, but, but, but, but, b-b-b-b but you're.... a snake!" Nate says, "Yeah. My name's Nate. I'm a snake, and my job is to guard that lever and make sure no one touches it, so stay away." The prospector replies, "Well that's amazing! A talking snake! Forget the lever or the gold, come with me, and me and you are gonna be rich. You're a talking snake! That's spectacular!" So Nate thinks to himself, "Well, it is really hot here in the desert... and it's really boring just watching this old lever all the time... and nobody ever comes by... sure, I'll go." He tells the prospector that he wants to make sure nobody touches the lever while he's gone, though, so they put up a sign that says, "Don't touch lever" and they set off. They start up a show, "Billy and Nate the Snake," and they do performances all over the world. The duo performs for kings and queens, movie stars, presidents, rich and famous celebrities, Chuck Norris, and anyone who's anyone. They become filthy rich and incredibly famous. After a while, however, the prospector grows old and dies. Well, a talking snake is really cool, but alone, it's hard to make a living. So, without a human partner, Nate decides it's time he heads back to the desert and resumes his old job watching the lever. Now, in the time Nate had been gone, technology had come to the desert, and there was now a interstate highway running right through the middle of the desert between Nate's home in the ground, and the lever with the bush where he worked. Well, Nate goes back to work. Everyday, day after day, he wakes up, and slithers across the road to the bush, and slithers back at nightfall. One morning, however, as Nate is crossing the street, down th highway comes a big 18-wheeler truck. The trucker sees Nate while driving and swerves so he doesn't hit him, but when he swerves and sees the lever and the sign. So he swerves back and sees Nate. Swerves, sees the lever. Swerves, sees Nate. Swerves, sees the lever. Swerves back and runs over Nate.

The moral of the story?

Better Nate than lever.

Nope.

The moral of the story is - he who doesn't know what a paragraph is, will not get his post read.

@Trin: i understand the paragraph, but that's the point of the joke. not half as funny if it's shorter or more readable. the text mountain is what makes the absurd ending humorous.

That was a good, funny plot, bro. :3 [Yes, I read all that]
It's very funny.

@WhoKnew - oh, I get it now. :3 That's funny.

I know what you mean mate, but peeps generally wont read a block of text, so the joke is lost.

But it was a good block of text. I like reading as well.

@BleachFan -

Hi Billy Mays here with a new product called the Wii, which allows accessbility to familes. No more complicating screens, no more paying for online play, or high bills after your son plays video games. With the Wii, you can gather around with families and enjoy unique and creative games. You just set it up, pop in a disc, and bam! You're playing an new console. It has the muscle to support nearly 10GB of space on a disc, creating awesome games with nearly endless possiblity. Rebuild the concept of gaming back in the 1980's and 1990's. Or make access of classic games easier to do. and save money. Playstation 3, only the rich can afford it, Xbox 360, full of games your childern are too young to play with. With the Wii, you get family-friendly games that is easy to afford and of high quality. Here's something you can't do with the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360, MOTION CONTROLS! You'll feel like you're in the game. It's used on the latest titles such as Carnival Games and Wii Sports Resort and Nintendo promise this until the death of the system. IT HAS THE STRENGTH TO ABANDON ALL HARDCORE GAMERS! Now that's the power of the Nintendo Wii! Whenever it's ****ing core gamers off, destroying sales of hardcore games, any flaws big and small, the Nintendo Wii is there to cover you. Fill emptiness and disappointments, anger and sadness, for an seemingly innocent console. And it's ideal for torchering your older brother. There's nothing you can do with the Wii. Call now and you can pay $250 for the system that contains Wii MotionPlus. But wait, there's more! We're making an exclusive deal that you can get this same deal with two Wii Motion Controls instead of just one for ONLY $200 dollars. Call right now!

Billy Mays.

A yolk was on a plate, watching a painsteakingly beautiful cooking show. He thought the cooks did an

Eggcelent

job.
_{Not as good as my Thin Ice one.}

I once was told a joke by the greatest teacher ever. It built up for 25 minutes just to end with a really bad pun. I don't have the time to type up that masterpiece so instead:
What's worse than a chauvanistic male pig who only thinks about himself?
A woman who doesn't do what I tell her to.

The jokes from bro and BleachFan and the others were funny.
FATEM's jokes, however, I'm not certain as to whether they're supposed to be funny or serious.

Well, even Leonardo could only paint the Mona Lisa once...

Maybe I'm just trying too hard.

Once upon a time, there was a NL user named Starboy91, and he was always mean. The end.
_{I think that this has to be the most ironic one yet.}