Topic: Tell a joke

Have you ever got bored and you just need a good laugh well heres your laugh central post jokes comment on them or tell diffrent versions of a joke.No innapropriate jokes please (no 'yo momma' jokes either, thank you).

I don't think people realize how good I am at jokes. I am the master at jokes. I am it's king. Do you know how good I am at telling jokes? Do you?!

I'm so good it isn't even funny!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz it have aids.

Uhh more kid friendly plz.

I laughing so hard

why cant women drive?

there's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom! (love ya ladies but i love this joke too)

I LOL'd so hard. That is a classic.

Sexist and aids in just one page... I can see where this is heading...

A blonde is sitting in a restaurant having a drink when one of her friends, who is also blonde, walks in shouting:

"3 days! 3 days!"

And sits down with her friend. A few minutes later, another blonde walks in shouting:

"3 days! 3 days"

And immediately sit down with the other girls. At this point, the waiter is looking a bit confused and walks over to them and asks:

"Why are you shouting "3 days! 3 days!"?

The blondes reply:

"We finished a puzzle in 3 days when on the box it said 3-5 years."

LOLing

So a woman is angry at her husband and says "Why don't you look at the world through my perspective?"

The husband answers "I have already, I've looked out the kitchen window before."

What a joke.

Did you hear about the eye doctor who fell into the lens grinder?

He made a spectacle of himself.

I blonde woman is driving over the speed limit and gets pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop gets out and walks over to her car.
The cop asks "Can I see your license?"
"Whats a license?" the blonde says
"Its a small square thing with your picture on it."
The blonde woman digs in her purse, pulls out and opens her compact mirror and hands it to the blonde cop.
"Oh," the cop says, " if you just told me you were a police officer, I would have let you go on your way."

could we drop the blonde jokes and the 'lol women in the kitchen' jokes, plz? we all know they exist, we don't need our faces rubbed in it. :/

Why did the Tingle cross the road?

To pick up the blue rupee that had fallen out of the back pocket of a sizable man with a large brown beard and who had been riding on a wagon drawn by horses to the royal castle up on the hill through the marketplace to go to a hearing for himself after he had been caught stealing turnips from a local farmer who had in fact been participating in illegal activities as well, selling the turnips that he bought for 2 rupees at 6 rupees in the market and then claiming they were his own produce which brought a lot of attention to his farm as he also sold illegal blueberries in the blackmarket in the alleyway beside the store that sold different types of carpet and rugs which is owned by a short man who always favours the left side of the sidewalk because walking on the inside leaves you prone to being hit by the waste which people in the town of noobdom dump out of their windows at random times and who (the man), on a morning stroll, decided to go up to the castle and watch the hearing concerning the man who's girth was unmatched who was in fact going to use said rupee to bribe the judge from sentencing him to death (which is the punishment for stealing turnips) and now who has no way to get out of this one other than being excecuted and the Tingle who had taken the rupee in fact spent it on a chicken that came from the same farmer who sells illegal blackberries to start his own chicken farm and turn a profit of 5 rupees per egg of the chickens which he is cross-breeding with dragons to up the value of the eggs and make over 9000 rupees within one week. Just goes to show one man's unfortune is a Tingle's fortune or something

Funniest one so far easily.

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

Sorry TBD. Didn't mean any offence, ofcourse. :3

This is more stand-up comedy, but still...:

Animals scent their area to mark their territory. But to mark our territory when we move into someones house, we immediately take down the idiots wallpaper and put ours up.

Now here's a way of marking our territory for longer... before you put up your wallpaper, buy a tin of blood red paint and put on the wall:

"I WILL KILL AGAIN!"

Wait for it to dry and then put your wallpaper up.

Now you don't get to see the punch line of this little practical joke, but you do get a warm feeling inside when you hand the keys over in 5 or 6 years time.

From: Chris Addison.

Guy 1: Want to hear a funny joke about sodium?
Guy 2: Na.

Why did the bear dissolve in the water?
Because it was polar.

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender pulls a gun on him and says, "We don't serve your kind here!"
Helium doesn't react.

Two men walk into a bar.
One man says, "I want some H2O!"
The second man says, "I want some H2O too!"
The second man died.

What do you do with a chemist who has died during an experiment.
Barium.

What's the scientific name for CH2O?
Seawater.

I would tell you more chemistry jokes, but all of the good ones argon.

So a guy walks into a bar. He got a mild concussion and two stitches.

ya sorry didn't mean to offend anybody, but that throws most of my good jokes out the window. what don't get though, is we all know that the stereotypes arent true, so why can't we joke around about them? some of them are really funny joke, and just so happen to use a blonde person because of that old stereotype. in no way are any of us actually meaning to demean anybody, just having fun.

but i will do as you wish and not make anymore,

@bleachfan, i laughed so hard, ive heard a few before but those were good. i give you props.

i will have to think of a new joke now, i just had a appropriate one to