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Topic: Need Help for gift on Valentine's Day.

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Aviator

21. Posted:

If you're asking an Internet forum for advice on a present that obviously means something to you, I think you should be questioning if you really feel like you want to do it.

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MikeDanger

22. Posted:

bezerker99 wrote:

Hello Shawn. If you don't ever want her to hate you or talk about you in a negative connotation, I would let her go. I can't tell you the number of girls IRL I know who can't stand their ex simply for the fact that they won't leave them alone and move on with their lives.

Hanging on to the past prevents growth and moving forward. I say don't do it. But you know the situation and your ex better than I do. I'm just letting you know how some girls I know IRL feel about this sorta thing.

Yeah most people have told me that's the right thing to do and to tell you the truth if it wasn't me i'd recommend it as well, I have left her alone to do her thing for the most part, i'm not obssesively trying to get her back, actually I haven't even tried nor talked about it since October. But I still have love for her, and it doesn't hurt to try, I don't want to conquer her back instantly after the gift, I just want to give a little spark to start the fire once more.

If it doesn't work, well it's better to have tried and failed to never have tried at all, i'll cry my last cry for her, hope the best for her and let it burn. thanks for the advice man.

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Mr_Trill281

23. Posted:

yo MikeDanger bro i think you should take her out to dinner man and movie cant go wrong there...

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rayword45

24. Posted:

The fact that you've managed to go 3 months without talking about it means you should stop. Halt. Immediately. You're wasting your time and money, and under the slim chance you do get back together how long do you think that will last.

Remember that I'm incredibly cynical, so take this with a grain of salt.

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theblackdragon

25. Posted:

bezerker99 wrote:

Hello Shawn. If you don't ever want her to hate you or talk about you in a negative connotation, I would let her go. I can't tell you the number of girls IRL I know who can't stand their ex simply for the fact that they won't leave them alone and move on with their lives.

Hanging on to the past prevents growth and moving forward. I say don't do it. But you know the situation and your ex better than I do. I'm just letting you know how some girls I know IRL feel about this sorta thing.

listen to this man, for he is wise and his words are truth. perhaps this valentine's season you can find another girl to hang out with? it's one thing to remain on good terms with your ex, but it's another to write a fantasy tale about Valentine's Day with her...

idk, i don't know her or you IRL so i can't say for sure what you should or shouldn't do. you know her best, and i guess you'd know how she'd react to a gift like what you're planning (though as Tasuki mentioned you run the risk of her not knowing your gift upon seeing it and possibly ignoring it or throwing it away). if you do decide to go through with it, it'll either work fabulously or it'll creep her the ever-loving heck out, so prepare for the worst and hope for the best if you go for it, i guess. good luck!

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Tasuki

26. Posted:

Honestly if you havent been romantic with her since you broke up well than just get her a little gift something that can be given as a friend. Maybe the two of you go to a movie and each pay for themselves and maybe some dinner. From there you should be able to judge how she feels about you.

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GuardianKing

27. Posted:

Untitled

Not as applicable here, but the point remains.

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Gamesake

28. Posted:

All you need is a box.

...in my pants.

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theblackdragon

29. Posted:

Gamesake wrote:

All you need is a box.

i was wondering when someone would bring that up, lol

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Hokori

30. Posted:

I would like a Girl Friend for Valentines Day

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MikeDanger

31. Posted:

Now I feel lost.... Ok, I would take her out to dinner that day but I gotta work sadly, I could call her the day before when she's at her home give her a simple gift like a card or something and grab a bite if she wants or since I already bought the DVD I wanted to give her I could bring it and after we talk a little ask her if she would like to watch it with me, she'll most likely say yes or re-schedule to do that on the weekend if her house is messy.

How does that idea sound? We dated for like 3 years, we've done movie and a dinner more times than we can count, I would like to be a little more original with my approach.

Edit: this isn't the only forum i've asked :P But at least it's the friendliest one.

Edited on by MikeDanger

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Retro_on_theGo

32. Posted:

In all seriousness that sounds like a better idea. It's unoriginal and not very creative but safe and your more likely to get a result.
If it just doesn't go as you hope I think it'd just be best for you to move on also. I know from experience it's not worth it. I had this girl I really liked. We were together for a year maybe a bit more. She ended up cheating on me. Some months back she came back saying her new guy was a total jerk and I was the nicest guy she dated. Like a fool I took her back. She cheated on me again! XD Even after that there was a tiny part of me that thought maybe something could be worked out.
At that point I realized I was stupid and tried to move.

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MikeDanger

33. Posted:

Retro_on_theGo wrote:

In all seriousness that sounds like a better idea. It's unoriginal and not very creative but safe and your more likely to get a result.
If it just doesn't go as you hope I think it'd just be best for you to move on also. I know from experience it's not worth it. I had this girl I really liked. We were together for a year maybe a bit more. She ended up cheating on me. Some months back she came back saying her new guy was a total jerk and I was the nicest guy she dated. Like a fool I took her back. She cheated on me again! XD Even after that there was a tiny part of me that thought maybe something could be worked out.
At that point I realized I was stupid and tried to move.

Wow, she was the stupid one taking you for granted twice.Sometimes people don't know what they got till it's gone.

My story is different from yours, what happened is that we we're engaged on december 1 2011, that made her super happy but at the same time anxious. Error I made is we didn't have the resourses of the money to get married yet at all, in time that made her dissapointed and we argued a lot about it in time making us distant. She decided to break up with me by phone asking for time and space. And that's what I did, meeting up on special ocassions like her Bday or mine.

I feel my chances with her are good considering our past has been good overall, we're on good terms and we have flirted a few times on the phone. I'm gonna go with plan B and leave plan A for next year if we get back together. Let me make this a little clearer I'm not looking to getting back with her that day just to start going out and dating again, you know the "bonding" stage before the commitment.

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The_Fox

34. Posted:

Wait....you were engaged at one point? That makes the situation much more complicated. I've got a feeling you're just playing with fire here, my friend.

Edited on by The_Fox

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MikeDanger

35. Posted:

The_Fox wrote:

Wait....you were engaged at one point? That makes the situation much more complicated. I've got a feeling you're just playing with fire here, my friend.

How so?

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Tasuki

36. Posted:

Yeah you may have done the dinner thing to death but do it as a friend that just wants to hang out with her i.e. let her pay for her stuff you pay for your stuff. But honestly now that you have said that at one time you were engaged I would just say back off, let her go and move on. If you cant handle being friends with her for now just walk away as The_Fox state now you are just playing with fire.

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Pokefanmum82

37. Posted:

if they were engaged and still hang out and flirting after they broke up then obviously there are still feelings there. I say take her out for dinner or make dinner for her at your place and when it's just the two of you then ask her if she would be open to dating again. Just because you were engaged doesn't mean you should just leave her alone. Obviously you guys loved each other and if you're still hanging out, maybe she still has feelings for you. Give it a shot, the worst thing that is going to happen is she says no and you stay being friends.

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RancidVomit86

38. Posted:

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ShadJV

39. Posted:

I'll give you my best advice here based on experience (I've been through similar experiences), and you can choose to take it or leave it because though I speak from experience, I by no means will claim to be a professional life coach or anything.

I say don't do it. A relationship that has been called off for over a couple months, one that was serious enough that it led to engagement... There is very slim chance it will work again. At best, you'll win her back for the short term, nothing lasting, and even that is unlikely. Chances are you'll push her completely away as a friend. Is it worth risking that? Could you really live with that? If she means that much to you, putting your friendship at such risk is likely not worth it, and if you truly don't mind risking your friendship, it seems more like you want the relationship back, not her. You can love someone without it having to be a romantic relationship, and trust me I know unrequited love hurts but you still have her in your life. If you do something big now, you could lose that. If you let things progress naturally, there's still a chance it will bloom past friendship again and either way you are still a part of your life. If you really need to do something, send her flowers that day. JUST that. Something small, don't go all out, that will likely seem pushy. Simply sending flowers - if she still might have some feelings for you, that sends the message. If she doesn't, well, it wasn't something extravagant, she won't see you as desperately obsessed with her. Which I'm not saying you are. But you don't want to give her that impression, it could scare her away from you.

Either way, I hope things work out, whatever you choose. Don't take for granted that you still have her as a friend. Don't ever take a lady for granted like that, if anything it shows more dedication that you're willing to be just friends if that's what she wants.

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Raylax

40. Posted:

@OP: Might be better to just talk to her about it rather than going for some huge romantic gesture. If she doesn't want you, then that will end up hurting you, and she'll feel bad about it, and that will rather sour the friendship. Save the big gestures for someone who actually is your girlfriend. And talk to her some time that isn't Valentine's Day, for the same reason.

Think of it from her side. Imagine you have an ex that you still get on with but aren't interested in any more, and then on v-day she suddenly springs a hugely romantic gesture on you. You're going to have to say no, and there's no way to say it that's not going to crush them. Conversely, if they brought it up in conversation, you can talk about it, discuss feelings and leave with your friendship in-tact and no guilty burden.

Break-ups aren't easy, and I know I'm making it sound like she's not gonna take you back. She may well do. And that will be great for you both. She could still be harboring feelings herself. But the size of the romantic gesture isn't going to change her feelings in either case. You might lose a lover but you don't have to lose a friend.

TL;DR men are all-or-nothing fools when it comes to love, but consider the consequences of you actions.

Edited on by theblackdragon

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