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Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Posts 2,421 to 2,440 of 14,348

Buob

Jumbif wrote:

Buob wrote:

@Jumbif you mean Untitled Cupcakes

haha I fixed it before you did

DO ANY OF YOU GET THIS??! I thought you guys were bronies

It is a sad day in Equestria. Lets have a moment of silence for the loss of not just Rainbow Dash, but Buob's speed as well. May you rest in peace.....pieces......something....

Previous works, Princestians, (Chapter 5 is on hiatus)

Nintendo Network ID: buob-san

ToastyYogurt

I'm actually feeling better than I was yesterday. I changed my avatar so it less sad.

@Jumbif: Cupcakes are sweet and tasty, we know that much.

Edited on by ToastyYogurt

I'm pretty okay.
Formerly Destroyer360, Destroyer64, DestroyerInsertYourFavoriteRandomNumbersHere.
"Purple is a color." - Waluigi
Wait, quotes should be meaningful? Ugh, fine.
"I'm useless, but not for long. The future is coming on." - Gorillaz

3DS Friend Code: 2449-4642-6622 | Nintendo Network ID: ToastyYogurtTime

Progamer

I added you on my 3ds @ jarvan

3ds FC 1633- 4211- 8833
Add me if you want to play! Proud owner of a cosmo black 3ds!
In any situation, give me a gun and give me a chair, I will chuck it at you, if you dare!

AlbertoC

NintendoFan27: Sure!

3DS FC: 4554 - 0221 - 1785

Lunapplebloom

Hey! I have been following this thread for awhile And was wondering if I could join you guys

Like: Sonic, Yoshi, Link, and Samus
My Appleloggery and Youtube
PSN ID: sonicwildfire
Previously Applejacklove
Discostew: "I am the terror that trots in the night!...

3DS Friend Code: 3737-9557-7319 | Nintendo Network ID: sonicwildfire07 | Twitter:

JustAnotherUser

@Progamer sorry. I'm only adding people form the UK or Bronies.
@AlbertoC That's awesome!
I've still yet to buy my ponies. I'll be going to Toys R' Us in the upcoming weeks though

@Applejacklove Welcome fellow new Pony Ville resident

Edited on by JustAnotherUser

JustAnotherUser

Kagamine

i find this thread very entertaining. I have been followng for a few months now, but don't post hardly ever because i'm not caught up on the episodes. Keep up the entertainment guys, your awesome.

Edited on by Kagamine

3DS friend code: 1332-7705-6324Previous Usernames: Bossmank
Some_Chords

"Love your ego, you won't feel a thing, always number one, the pen with a bent wrist crooked king, sign away our peace, for your war, one word and it's over." ~ Deadmau5

Nintendo Network ID: bossmank

AlbertoC

NintendoFan: What about silver Spoon?

EDIT: Bossmank: Wow, we're entertaining? Wow.

Edited on by AlbertoC

3DS FC: 4554 - 0221 - 1785

Aqueous

@Applejacklove - Welcome to the herd! Sadly SquiggleTail is out for a while, I'll be doing the drawing this time around.... but I don't feel sick...

@Bossmank - Your welcome, I had no idea

@everypony racing with me, sadly I have to go from the racing as I said but it's because I need to get to work, for SquiggleTail, if you follow

@Twilight_Crow - Thanks for saying it's time, so here I go again,

First one,
The evil mind let the anger guide her in a circle of neverending cursing monologues, useless plots, and imaginary revenge scenarios.
About the word neverending, I can't find a use if it together like that expect for the title of a band and the story. So you'll either need a space or a - in there and I have found it in this form, never-ending, so likely you should switch to it,
edited version: The evil mind let the anger guide her in a circle of never-ending cursing monologues, useless plots, and imaginary revenge scenarios.

This is a suggestion and as normal, feel free to ignore me here,
Surprisingly, Nightmare’s happy thoughts aren’t helping... now she wants to... do WHAT to Celestia?!
I like this line as it suggests something graphic or horrendous, however this might make it stronger, one thing I think you need is an "and" before "now", as it would give pause and because your changing Luna's thoughts, so the "and" will help show the change, next change the "do" to "DO" as it would put more weight on the word "WHAT", it's up to you as always but it might strengthen the line,
edits in the line: Surprisingly, Nightmare’s happy thoughts aren’t helping... and now she wants to... DO WHAT to Celestia?!

Original line: Eeeeew... And now I can’t take that image from my mind.
I've got a few things you could try here, first I think you need to put "And" to "and" as your just considering her thought after a pause, something you've already been doing in the paragraph, second this one isn't needed but if you wanted the previous line to seem like it was very evil, for what ever Nightmare Moon was thinking of, you could try "Disgusting" instead of "Eeeeew", then you could also put an "!" before "..." and leave the "And" as it is
Suggestions added: Eeeeew... and now I can’t take that image from my mind.
Other set: Disgusting!... And now I can't take that image from my mind.
Of course I could be totally wrong on this but, I'm still going to throw it out there.

Wait... How is Celestia not a happy thought?
Two capitals again, not that it's wrong but you haven't been putting capitals after Luna's pauses for the most part, so you may want to drop the "How" to "how"
Changes in effect: Wait... how is Celestia not a happy thought?

original: Hehe, we used to make a great team.
Ahh, I knew it was used for laughter but M-Word did not like it, so I googled it, yeah, it's a group of people and their langue, I highly suggest another way of writing the laugh, "He-he" with a dash is laughter, without dispute and another form could work, it's up to you as it's yours and I've seen hehe used as a laugh but the capital refers to a people and their langue.
He-he, we used to make a great team.

Word hated this next one and I found why here, http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/difficulties/everyday.html
When she took the responsibility of raising the sun everyday.
So based on what I read there^, you want,
When she took the responsibility of raising the sun every day.

Why did you have to loose yourself pursuing your dreams?
this one's an easy fix, you want "lose" not "loose", after all she's losing herself not loosing herself
Why did you have to lose yourself pursuing your dreams?

“Very well, thank you... you seem happy.”
It took me a minute to figure out why this bothered me but I figured it out. I've seen and heard that kind of sentence before, they are questions, which is why it stood out. Then your following line gives a greater suggestion that it was in fact a question asked by Resourceful, so try it as this,
*“Very well, thank you... you seem happy?”
You could go farther if that's what your after and add a comma after "seem" for effect as if she is still seeking out the word for Celestia's mood but just making it a question should be fine.

She skimmed through it and, finally, the unicorn magic put the moon on it’s way.
I was forced to look this up because M-Word (Microsoft Word) complained about it's and I found this, http://www.cgl.uwaterloo.ca/~csk/its.html which says as I know "it is = it's" and the best part was it gave an easy way to tell if "it's" or its should be used and it comes down to if "it is" can be used then "it's" is fine if not, use "its" and well "it is" does not make sense because "it is way" doesn't so you want "its",
correction added: She skimmed through it and, finally, the unicorn magic put the moon on its way.

That’s when she found out the truth: she was a terrible ruler, and, at that point, she had no idea what she was doing.
are you going for a pause after "ruler" because you don't need a comma before "and", there is a natural pause before the word and, so the comma is unneeded, I do like that you make a pause after "and",
That’s when she found out the truth: she was a terrible ruler and, at that point, she had no idea what she was doing.

“No, no. This has nothing to do with that,” spatted the pegasus angrily.
"spatted" took me a while to find, but I eventually found it as a verb, which is either, "Slap Lightly" (which you are not using) or quarrel pettily, which I think is what your using. Now "spat" as in the pegasus made a quick come back, maybe even "spit" as if the pegasus spit the words out in disgust. Of course you get the same meaning out of the word "bickered" in there would work or rearrange the word order, which I think will be what you want,
“No, no. This has nothing to do with that,” the pegasus spatted angrily. There it is rearranged
“No, no. This has nothing to do with that,” bickered the pegasus angrily. That is the strongest of the three words mentioned if you like the current word order, as normal, up to you but it clears things up a bit. Also if you go with the reorder, "angrily" could be put as "with anger", same thing different wording.
“No, no. This has nothing to do with that,” the pegasus spatted with anger.

The aliciorn nodded gently in response.
I'm so sorry, almost missed this, then I thought it looked off, after all M-Word hates all of the pony terms, but then I noticed the extra i in alicorn and google confirmed it, you want "alicorn" instead of "alicrion"
The alicorn nodded gently in response.

It works like a charm, they seem more comfortable... Maybe If I just talk normally... but, the voice is traditional... er I’ll think about that later.
Okay your playing with ... and upper case letters again, you have "Maybe" as upper case, where everything else is lower, so I think it should be lower too,
It works like a charm, they seem more comfortable... maybe If I just talk normally... but, the voice is traditional... er I’ll think about that later.

This chapter is the beggining of Celestia's arc. I love Celestia, and I have this very weird vision of her being like a Pinkie Pie trapped by her sence of resposibility, and royal duties.
Last three, all spelling, "beggining" your right there is a double letter but it's the "n" not the"g" so want "beginning", next is "sence", you want "sense", they both sound the same however, it gets me too, and last but not least "resposibility" should have this for a spelling, "responsibility" and here it is with the edits,
This chapter is the beginning of Celestia's arc. I love Celestia, and I have this very weird vision of her being like a Pinkie Pie trapped by her sense of responsibility, and royal duties.

Well Twilight_Crow it's done, I had fun doing this for you and await the next chapter to edit. I'll give another look back for spelling in all three again later. Hope I can read the next one soon.

Edited on by Aqueous

Guest on NFR 57: http://nintendofreeradio.podbean.com/category/episode-57/

3DS Friend Code: 2793-0600-1156 | Nintendo Network ID: AqueousDoubt | Twitter:

AlbertoC

Oh right: ApplejackLove: Welcome to the herd! Have a lot of fun and post lots of ponies!

3DS FC: 4554 - 0221 - 1785

JustAnotherUser

@Aqueous we understand It's like I need to go soon to sleep to dance and prance with pinkie Pie in the morning

JustAnotherUser

MasterGraveheart

Chatting is fine, but I wouldn't get goaded in if the are signs of trolling, y'know?

Anywho, I don't know whom I like for my new main. Mii is a bit basic for me, but I've found luck with Shy Guy and Metal Mario. I'll play around with the 150cc cups and see what I come up with.

@Applejacklove: Welcome to the NL Brony community! Hmmm... that avatar looks familiar... =P

Also, in spite of my avatar being of my typical favorite pony, Applejack (I say typical because, really, who can pick just one? ), I'm designated Derpy in this group. One to fill a need, and two because I actually sort of have the eyes in real life. But, don't mind me.

goes to walk out, knocks over a collumn, levels a building, pieces fling into fruit stands, flying fruit flings into an expensive luxury sedan

...mistakes were made! runs

Edited on by MasterGraveheart

MasterGraveheart

3DS Friend Code: 0903-2738-1632 | Nintendo Network ID: MasterGraveheart | Twitter:

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