Your welcome Destroyer64, hey I've seen that before. Also Twilight_Crow has another fan fiction as a link in her signature
@Twilight_Crow - Sorry, you asked and left as an open invite to everypony. Possible errors,
ch.1, "and she knew there were no food for all those ponies." You likely want this; "and she knew there was no food for all of those ponies." It smooths out the writing and gives you what you wanted to say with the correct form of the word for your sentence.
ch. 2, "I'm not going to fell for your speeches," I think you want fall not fell, which would give you, "I'm not going to fall for your speeches,"
You might want to break this part up in to three paragraphs, Celestia started crying “I love Equestria, and all of its ponies.” Me too...“I will always care for them. But no matter what, you will always be my best friend, Luna.”
It would give you this, which may work better as Luna and Celestia are different characters,
Celestia started crying “I love Equestria, and all of its ponies.” Me too... “I will always care for them. But no matter what, you will always be my best friend, Luna.” (Up to you if you want to space them out better, but I think it's easier to see Luna's thought process while Celestia speaks if it's broken, like that. I don't think you had Luna think anywhere else Celestia was speaking in the same paragraph, so it fits your writing better and keeps things flowing nicely.)
After that you have, "Then it got wrost, when" I think you want worse not worst
At the end you have, English is not my first Lenguage You want, English is not my first Language
Also are you sure writing is not your talent? It is very good, however you might want to add Nightmare Moon's swear of vengeance from the first episode to the end of the fight. Also your English is very good, if I tried something like that I would have writing riddled with spelling errors and mistakes. Also I hope I was not too harsh, I really liked it but I let myself go to find those errors easily, trust me on this, there a few authors I could have some words with about errors but don't bother. Still sorry if I seemed mean but despite being friendly and nice, I can be a really mean pony with my heart of ice and lack of mercy.
I really hope I did not hurt you as I loved that story, I never read another version but yours fits the show perfectly with what happened in the opening story.
It was fun on Mario Kart, should we use a pony group next time?
@MasterGraveheart - Applejack comes and goes with me depending on what she is up too, but she is a nice pony and I like the picture. Also nice website, I'll take a better look later.
Also I decided to jump in one of the pony groups because Twilight_crow is on her 3ds and I decided to go on incase she was up for a race, someone named CoolM is racing me, any of you guys?
Edit: They left, the code is 63-1403-1442-2377, first time I've seen anything there, the other one is 64-0336-6768-1642, I think SquiggleTail put them here earlier. I'm going to sit in the first one if anyone wants to play. However in 3 hours me and streetpass group are racing so I'll be leaving then.
Welcome to the herd, @shingi_70 and and @JarvanZheitk! @MasterGraveHeart: You just made me want to hug Applejack for the first time ever.... @Twilight_Crow: I'm currently reading your fan fic, and it's pretty cool. I like how it puts Luna in to light and makes her look like the ignored younger child that's trying her best to help Equestria. I'm kinda shocked at how Celestia acts, but I guess that's just the fan "Trollestia" interpretation of her. Keep up the good work though, I wanna see how it ends.
I'm pretty okay.
Formerly Destroyer360, Destroyer64, DestroyerInsertYourFavoriteRandomNumbersHere.
"Purple is a color." - Waluigi
Wait, quotes should be meaningful? Ugh, fine.
"I'm useless, but not for long. The future is coming on." - Gorillaz
3DS Friend Code: 2449-4642-6622 | Nintendo Network ID: ToastyYogurtTime
@Destroyer64: You mean you HAVEN'T hugged all six of them yet? o.o =P
I don't have any plush ponies.
I'm pretty okay.
Formerly Destroyer360, Destroyer64, DestroyerInsertYourFavoriteRandomNumbersHere.
"Purple is a color." - Waluigi
Wait, quotes should be meaningful? Ugh, fine.
"I'm useless, but not for long. The future is coming on." - Gorillaz
3DS Friend Code: 2449-4642-6622 | Nintendo Network ID: ToastyYogurtTime
Forums
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Posts 1,361 to 1,380 of 14,348
This topic has been archived, no further posts can be added.