It's very good, Starboy, but you have a tendancy to be too overly specific. You want to make your writing descriptive and interesting, but adding too much useless detail can drag it down. Try to cut back on that and it should turn out excellent.
Man, so many people are trying to write something...I need to do that too, as practice for my classes...
Lieutenant Commander of the Lesbian Love Brigade
There can only be one, like in that foreign movie where there could only be one, and in the end there is only one dude left, because that was the point.
I guess I was trying to be like Rowling [rolling] and Sachar when starting my tale. I'll see what I can do about it.
Like I said, it's very good, but every piece of writing in the world can be improved in some way. Not that I'm the one to do it, far from it, but nothing's ever perfect.
Just keep working at it, man, and it should turn out excellent.
Lieutenant Commander of the Lesbian Love Brigade
There can only be one, like in that foreign movie where there could only be one, and in the end there is only one dude left, because that was the point.
Not a one atm; it's looking very good and this chapter flowed quite a bit better than the first. I'm also a fan of short chapters.
And no, you join my fan club! ::shakes fist::
Also, can I just say that the picture on the home page of Shantae is frikken cute? My god, Shantae, where have you been all my life?
Lieutenant Commander of the Lesbian Love Brigade
There can only be one, like in that foreign movie where there could only be one, and in the end there is only one dude left, because that was the point.
Please, Ill join the Jenna and Monohime fan club if you join the one I made?
It's Jenna/Momohime/Shantae now, man. Never played her game, but she has to be awesomesauce incarnate. I know it. If I am lucky enough to find a copy of Shantae (so very unlikely) I'll be sure to snag it for myself! Why the hell did I miss my chance the first go around...gah...
And fine, I'll join your little deal. What do we do?
Lieutenant Commander of the Lesbian Love Brigade
There can only be one, like in that foreign movie where there could only be one, and in the end there is only one dude left, because that was the point.
Hey Guys sorry i'm late been playing Bowers inside story since i got home and OMG ^^! I love it also no offense but Phoenix i got Shantae on my Dsi's Photo Clock xD she looks freaking hot <3
Lieutenant Commander of the Lesbian Love Brigade
There can only be one, like in that foreign movie where there could only be one, and in the end there is only one dude left, because that was the point.
i never said that i loved her or wanted her just said she was hot and plus stares at shantae photo just to see what you'd say mmmm Shantae ^^
Bububu...she's mai waifu! Gah, you can't look at another man's waifu! Not if that other man notices you doing it and doesn't want you looking at his waifu anymore!
Lieutenant Commander of the Lesbian Love Brigade
There can only be one, like in that foreign movie where there could only be one, and in the end there is only one dude left, because that was the point.
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