Topic: Can someone sum up why this crap is happening to me?...

As you guys know or may know,i am suicidal. however i am not a damn emo poser. i have slit myself live on youtube to get my message across to my friends to tell them im not a happy guy.
There are many reasons for why i feel this way.
1)One day i told my dad i would get a house when i get my own job and he started to laugh at me all the way home from school.My dads job is cutting the lawn in a park in town....LMAO.....wow.....anyone can cut a lawn DAD!!! plus he is a huge alchoholic....lol.....how can he laugh at me?.....im the only guy in my class who does not drink or even smoke. Pathetic.
2)School. i have a huge hard time finding school difficult. i get distracted in class and even start to mess around myself...only rarely...believe me RARELY that does happen and i do it to fit in with the other guys...which is bad.
3)Im more mature than everyone in my class and for this i am the odd one out and for that i get bullied left right and center. Everywhere i go someone hates me. and yes ok not everyone but im telling you now....people i dont even KNOW threaten me and seemingly i have a bad bad rep around my Neighbour hood and for what?....honestly for what? because i love to play games? or i love to stay in and chill with the PS3 or Wii? is that reason why? ID BLOODY GO OUT IF PEOPLE WOULD STOP BULLYING ME!!!!!
4)3 years ago i was in a street gang as you would call it. i used to smoke all the time and drink,smash car windows,rob shops etc etc.
I may have been dumb but now i realise the error of my ways and i feel that God is probably getting me back for all the bad things i did in the past.

Seriously i know other people may not believe me but my life has had so much drama in it,you can literally right a damn book or movie on it.
I am fed up with this S*it.
why is it people come to me in class and make sexual references like this "oh hey sean do you know what a 69er is????" and yes at the time i did not know and the whole class laughed their ass off it me.

Yeah becuase knowing all the sex positions is AWESOME!!!. _

Sorry for this guys...im going to school right this second and i keep thinking it will go wrong. i always feel this way. sorry again but if anyone is in the same position or was in the same position can you give me some tips?

(Also i cannot fight back....i am almost anorexic....no joke. if you seen my rants on youtube,you would know....)

thanks again.

Whoa man I'm sorry to hear that. I've had serious problems with depression myself. I don't think this is the right place to make these sort of posts but I see where you're coming from. Have you tried talking to a psychologist?

Wow it's scary to think I used to be just like this. My advice is to wait it out. By the way it doesent actully get better it gets worse it just doesent bother you as much and you realise it wasent so bad. Cheers.

"i have a bad bad rep around my Neighbour hood and for what?....honestly for what?
4)3 years ago i was in a street gang as you would call it. i used to smoke all the time and drink,smash car windows,rob shops etc etc."

I think there might be something there.

Seriously though, as we've said before, this really isn't the place to talk about this. I appreciate you want to express your feelings - although mentioning cutting yourself live on YouTube is not a smart move - but the people here do not know you and have absolutely no power to help you out.

You need to find someone you can talk to, face-to-face - your school counsellor or form teacher for example - to share these things. Nobody will think any less of you, nobody will make it a big deal, and it is honestly your best option if you genuinely want to get better.

Well for starters you have to learn that if you don't want people making fun of you, you shouldn't do it to other people. You clearly mock your father in your opening statement and then turn around and complain because other students do the very same thing to you.

You also come off as a rather abrasive person and a bit of an elitist. This isn't going to make you any friends, that's for sure. Maybe it's time to take a look inside of you and see what needs fixing on you. Let everyone else worry about everyone else. You can control you and your outlook on life. Try to find a few positive aspects of yourself and your life and focus on those. There will always be people you have to deal with that aren't going to treat you right. That's just part of life. Growing up is learning how to not let it affect you or change you inside.

And if you're feeling suicidal, then you need to talk to someone, be it a school counselor, a psychologist, or even a friend. It can be quite easy to get overwhelmed in this world and sometimes it's tough to dig your way out. But just as bad as things can get, they can turn around just as quickly. It just might take a little doing on your part. I hope you can get things turned around in your life and get headed in a more meaningful and fulfilling direction. Hang in there...

When life gives you lemons...

make lemonade.

When life gives you poop, make poop juice.

When life gives you chickens, slaughter them.

If you're really suicidal, go to the nearest hospital and tell them that you have thought of killing yourself. They'll be better equiped to get you the help you need than us.

Sorry.
Well today it was bad again.
I was being slagged off because im skinny and have no muscles.

My counsellor told me that there must be something done.
There were suggestions like:Putting me up for adoption,or moving me out of the area.

Today was terrible.
I cant do this anymore.

@Sean007: I told you you could look for me if you need.

I know you don't smoke or drink, etc... anymore. Do you tell this to others and actually come out. Do you think it's possible that you're saying something that makes them believe that you're better than them? (Just trying to help you figure this out, not trying to pick on you.)

I actually had a situation where some kids were making fun of me and I actually made it worse, by getting in their face about it. For a looong time I'd see one of them and they'd tease me (not in the friendly Way) by yelling out an embarassing name to me. I think i also it got physical at least once after the intitual confrontation (cant recall if that was same day or later).
The thing is that had I not tried to act like a tough guy and ignore it (I didn't know them) I would not have suffered that for so long.
Just thought I'd share that. Maybe something out of that relates to you situation.

Thanks for your help mate.
Before i say anything,ill say that these bullies are are actually more smarter than i am. these are the bullies that imtimidate you and make fun of you.
They all smoke Weed and i know that im not a bad person anymore. im not gonna do any of that crap but anyway,
Today we went on a school trip and i had a shirt on and one of the guys came over and said aloud "Omg Sean....look at your arms!!....." and then he asked if i could tense my arms so he could feel any muscles and ill admit im a weak person. but then again i have no reason to work out as i don't believe Fighting solves anything but pain.

So then his friend came over and put his hand up to his mouth(Sorta like he was SHOCKED as hell....)
And then yeah...they luaghed at me and i told the guy "i maybe anorexic.."
They started to say "You need to eat hahaha"

I do eat!!!!
i eat alot but i never get fatter. i have no idea why that is. Jesus..can they not leave me the hell alone? im not the only skinny guy out there!

They pick on me for everything....im so stressed coming to school.

@Sean: That didn't seem too bad. They just said that you needed to eat (It probably wouldn't bother me, anyways). I understand that it bothered you though. (Do you get that alot?) Did they realize that it bothered you? What'd you do or how'd you react when they said that?

Edit- What is about that comment that bothered you?

Sorry for this.
Look...yes i am aware i don't know you guys personally,however im not asking you to fly away from USA or UK to ireland and kill these bullies.
im asking you for simlier experiences so i can understand this problem and try to help it.

You can lock this thrend if you want and ill go. thanks for the help guys

Kim's advice for the day:

EDIT - I'm not sure this is appropriate advice for our forum - Prosody

Instead I will suggest that you get a dog. They are physically incapable of negative emotions, will not hold a grudge if you are nice to them, do not judge you, and will always love you providing you love them back - four reasons why they are superior to human beings. Poodles are really good because they don't leave their smell on you, drop hair, or make you allergic. And they have soft fur. Ask your Dad if you can get one, and if he says no offer to clean up its poo and pay for all its worming tablets/vaccinations/food/toys etc.

Also, if your Dad is an alcoholic and he has obviously failed his son I can guarantee he is not a lot happier than you. Maybe he needs a dog to love him too.

Its not that they said it like "you need to eat."
It was more like "LMAO LOOOOOOL!!!! YOU NEED TO EAT YOU SKINNY "
Thats what it was. it wasn't advice at all. i do eat but i think i am anorexic.

No girl wants a guy whos skinny. I hate myself for being alive. i hope i die.

A little secret: everyone's lovable yellow guy, warioswoods, is actually pretty dang skinny, and always has been. There are plenty of girls out there who go for thin guys, and who actually find more beefy builds very unattractive. Actually, I could go on about what sort of girls tend to be attracted to what builds, for there's a hidden logic to it, but that's enough about that for now. Suffice to say that your skinniness should not pose a problem for your love life in the long term.

I Sorry. Had call from my mother. What makes you think you're anorexic?