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Topic: A Night at The Nimprov !!!

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Nemodius

Let's break up the tediousness of old and or boring articles, news and features,
how about some "Virtual Stand-up Console"
just cut loose with your own jokes (no continuations), but keep the language clean, no foul language please

Have A Blast

Edited on by TheLZdragon

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

Nemodius

Luigi walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with gold coins, Luigi approaches the bartender Toad and asks, "Whatt'sa up witha the jar?"

"Well, you pay 10 coins and if you pass 3 tests, then you get all the coins."

"Whatta are the 3 tests?" asks Luigi

Toad says..."Gotta pay first."

So Luigi gives Toad the 10 coins, and bartender Toad adds it to the jar.

"OK, here's what you have to do.
First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila — the WHOLE thing at once — and you can't make a face while doing it.
Second, King Bowser is chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
Third, 90-year-old Impa is upstairs and she's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her."

"Wella, I know I've paida my 10 coins," says Luigi, "but I'mma not an idiot. No wonder you've collected so mucha money — that'sa impossible!"

Then Luigi proceeds to eat several whiskey marinated power-up shrooms and eventually, he gets up his nerve.

"Whereza zatta teeqeelah?" he slurs.

Luigi grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside — barking, yelping and growling, then silence.

Just when they think Luigi must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt and overalls ripped and gashes across his body.

"NOW," Luigi says, "wherez atta ol' Impa witha da sore tooth ???"

Edited on by Nemodius

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

ReaderRagfihs

"Hmm, I'm supposed to make things right for Impa. What exactly does that mean?"

Luigi spend approximately 2.74808 seconds thinking, and had an idea.

"Everyone loves spinach right? Maybe that's what Toad meant!"

Luigi pulls some spinach out of his pocket and feeds it to Impa. But something's not quite right.

"Hey, wait, I got that out of my left pocket, but I always keep my spinach in my right pocket. I wonder what I jus- Oh my goodness I just fed Impa my pet gerbil Gertrude!"

"That was the second best thing I've ever eaten in my life!" said Impa.

"But Gertrude was made out of wood!" said Luigi.

"Well, you see, I'm secretly a termite."

"...Oh"

Still waiting for Atlus to make Snowboard Kids 3

Wiimmfi Friend Codes: http://www.nintendolife.com/forums/wii/2019_wiids_friend_code_thread
Wii/DS games online post shutdown

DanteSolablood

Waluigi walks into the bar & the barman says "why the long face?"

Danté: Old, cool & wise (the latter two are lies)
3DS FC: 1461-6243-5395
Switch FC: SW-4146-5915-6308
"Friendship is rare, hand me that shotgun buddy, hand me that chair."

Twitter:

Nemodius

There once was a plumber named Luigi
Who was plumbing Peach by the sea
She said Stop your plumbing,
There's somebody coming!
Luigi still plumbing said... "Yah, I know, It'sa me!"

Edited on by Nemodius

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

Nemodius

What do you call a parade of Rabbids hopping backwards ???

A Receding Hareline !!!

Edited on by Nemodius

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

Nemodius

Mario asks Luigi "Whatta you call fake pasta ???"

Luigi replied: "Itt'sa an Impasta "

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

DanteSolablood

Luigi: Hey, a-Mario... did Donkey Kong tell you about K-rool's new vehicle?
Mario: Oh, yeah! It was a Croc-o-ship!
Luigi I dunno, it sounded pretty convincing to me!

Edited on by DanteSolablood

Danté: Old, cool & wise (the latter two are lies)
3DS FC: 1461-6243-5395
Switch FC: SW-4146-5915-6308
"Friendship is rare, hand me that shotgun buddy, hand me that chair."

Twitter:

Nemodius

What did the "Out of Business" sign on Bowsette's brothel say ???

"Beat It, We're Closed !!!"

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

Nemodius

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

Nemodius

What did Booette's left saggy boob say to the right saggy boob ???

"If we don't get some support, people are gonna think we're nuts !!!"

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

Nemodius

Link and Zelda were getting it on in the Dark World forest,
Link said "Damn I wish I had a flashlight !!!"
Zelda said "So do I, you've been eating grass for the past 10 minutes !!!"

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

FaeKnight

Those were all bad, and you should feel bad.

FaeKnight

Switch Friend Code: SW-6813-5901-0801 | Twitter:

Nemodius

Bowsette told Peach "I slept with a Brazilian"
Peach replied "Oh My Gosh You Slut, how many is a brazillion ???"
(dumb blond joke of the day)

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

Nemodius

@FaeKnight
actually, I'm on my husband's account, most of these are mine, a girl can have a sense of humor too

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

Nemodius

Did you hear what happened to Goomba when he drove his Kart in front of a bus ???

He got "Tired"
(oi that sucked)

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

ReaderRagfihs

Luigi: "Hey, how much for that pet goldfish?"
Toad: "1 coin."
Luigi: "That's pretty cheap."
Toad: "No, it's a goldfish."

Still waiting for Atlus to make Snowboard Kids 3

Wiimmfi Friend Codes: http://www.nintendolife.com/forums/wii/2019_wiids_friend_code_thread
Wii/DS games online post shutdown

Nemodius

What did the banana say to the vibrating Joy-Con ???

"Why are you shaking ???, Bowsette's gonna EAT me !!!"

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

ReaderRagfihs

What do you call a deceiving gorilla?

Donkey Con!

Still waiting for Atlus to make Snowboard Kids 3

Wiimmfi Friend Codes: http://www.nintendolife.com/forums/wii/2019_wiids_friend_code_thread
Wii/DS games online post shutdown

Nemodius

Why does Yoshi hide Easter eggs ???
Yoshi doesn't want Link to know he's been screwing his chicken !!!

"If failure is the greatest teacher, how come we are not the most superior beings in the universe ???"

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